


What love's suppose to feel like

by anxietypoof



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rating: M, Same sex relations, Smut, What Love's Supose To Feel Like, Yaoi, difficult story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-20 13:25:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 28,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6007945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxietypoof/pseuds/anxietypoof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They say "You can't love someone until you love yourself first" but, they're wrong.<br/>I have never loved myself.<br/>But you.<br/>Oh my god. I love you so much I forget what hating myself feels like."</p><p>- Kageyama, words unspoken</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One - Thoughts and Paint

Kageyamas Piont Of View:

I sat on the roof a usual, eating my lunch. I like sitting on the roof alone, it helps me unwind and to get away from people just for a bit it relaxing. I opened my bento and took a rice ball with the sticks and put it in my mouth. I was starving, I couldn't eat breakfast this morning. This little guy with orange hair and short posture keeps interrupting my thoughts, I couldn't eat.

I thought about his ambition to play volleyball and his great skill to jump. I also thought about his big smile and adorable giggle.. Wait what is this? This is so cheesy, like a bad high school musical drama, in other words just high school musical! He is a guy! It's so wrong! This is ridiculous, why am I thinking of shrimpy in that way? It's weird..

I looked up in the sky. It was bright blue with tiny little clouds on it, it looked like little pieces of cotton candy floating around in the great big sea above me. I felt really concerned about these feelings, like, I'm not gay okay.. I'm not. Gay. Not.

The school bell rang and I quickly shoved my bento box back in my bag and went for art class. I'm really good at art, I'm a good drawer. I like to draw what I'm feeling. I'm not the type of guy that's the best at talking to people what's going on in my head, I force it down from my brain, through my arms and fingers and out on a paper.

I arrived just in time, the class was about to start. The teacher said we'll be working in pairs today.."Sweet, now someone's going to ruin my work, great." I thought to myself as the teacher paired me with a guy at the back of the class. He had dark brown hair and glasses, he always looked down in the floor. He barely said anything besides "Hi.."

Me and this strange guy were about to draw whatever comes to our mind and then explain it to the other. We got canvases, easels and paint and prepared everything and began painting. I glanced over to Hinata who had been paired with Noya. They laughed and played with the paint, they looked like they had a lot of fun.

I felt.. jealous.

I watched them (mostly Hinata) and my paint brush flew across the canvas. I didn't pay much attention to what I was doing, I just got lost in Hinata-land in my mind. I ended up drawing a perfect portrate of him, god dammit. As I drew the water in the mug I dipped the brush in got dirty, I had to go change it.

As I walk over to the sink I see Hinata walking towards me. I got nervous and decided not to look at him. Bad choice. I didn't pay attention to him and we bumped into each other. The water in my water mug flew out and splashed right on Hinatas crotch. We both fell down on the floor. Somehow I managed to land almost on top of him but the water still landed between his legs.

The other students didn't notice much, luckily.

I flew up from Hinata and light pink colored my cheeks. I scratched my head and looked at Hinata. Poor thing laid there on the floor with paint water on his crotch, he blushed in embarrassment.

"I-I'm sorry" I mumbled and offered my hand to help him up.

"Aw, it looks like I've peed myself" Hinata said and stood up with his wet pants.

"I've got an extra pair of pants in my bag, you can have them if you want" I said and looked away from his tempting eyes.

"Really? Thanks, I owe you one" Hinata said and looked down at the terrible stain on his pants.

Hinata walked back to Noya who laughed at the sight and said something like: "Did you pee yourself, bro?" Hinata felt embarrassed, I could feel it all the way over here. Oh, Hinata.. I'm so sorry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god guys, I haven't even touched this story in SO LONG but I finally did it! I edited the whole thing, all twenty-two chapters (so far, writing this) and if they're not up yet, I'm working on it!  
> One step at a time I'm making the move from Wattpad to AO3, it's a lot to get used to guys.


	2. Chapter two - Room For Two

The bell rang, the class had ended. Kageyama stood outside the classroom leaning against the wall, waiting for Hinata. That lesson had been so awkward, he couldn't explain the perfect art piece of Hinata he had made to the random boy he was paired with even if he tried.

The teacher saw it and loved it so much she wanted to hang it up in school, she said it was such a piece of art and offered him once more to join the art club. He declined and hurried out of the class room.

Now he stood leaning against a wall pretending to look at his phone to make the time pass, seconds later Hinata stepped out of the class room looking around to be sure no one saw him. He was still full of shame.

"Hinata" I called to get his attention.

"Kageyama, so, did you have an extra pair of pants?" Hinata asked shyly, still embarrassed.

"Yeah, in my locker" Kageyama said and started walking. Hinata followed.

 

Walking through the whole school to his locker. The art class room was on the other side of the building from their lockers so Kageyama and Hinata walked through every hallway untill the arrived at Kageyamas locker. Some students stared and whispered when Hinata walked there wearing what looked like wetted pants.

"Are we there yet?" Hinata mumbled as they got to the locker.

"Yep, here you go" Kageyama said and held up a sports bag with two of his long fingers.

"Thank you" Hinata said as he reached out you grab the bag, but Kageyama moved it away.

"I don't trust you with my bag.." Kageyama said suspiciously. "Come let's go find a room that's not occupied" Kageyama took Hinatas wrist and yanked him down the hallway. Walking fast with his long legs, Hinata could barely keep up.

He made a quick turn into the boys' rest room and released Hinata in one of the stalls and locked the door behind them.

"Why are you in here with me?" Hinata said as he sat down on the toilet seat automatically from being almost shoved. "Can't you wait outside?"

"No, I told you. I don't trust you with my bag" Kageyama said to try to blame his undeniable curiosity on something else..

"What, is it full of dildos or something?" Hinata said and laughed a little at his own joke.

"Heh, no but. But. Here are your pants" Kageyama said short and threw a pair of sweat pants at him from his bag, barely opening it.

"Am I going to change in front of you?" Hinata said as he unzipped his dirty pants.

"Yeah.. I, I guess." Kageyama said and hid his face and tried to not stare, he failed.

Hinata slid the wet pants of slowly, well knowing Kageyama was watching him. He tried to move away but Kageyama ended up looking at his butt, he had underwear that was a little bit too small, letting a little bit of cheek hang out. Kageyamas eye twitched. Hinata stepped out of his pants and stood in his underwear with his arms crossed.

"If you were going to stare, at least try to look discreet" Hinata said and looked Kageyama up and down.

"I wasn't staring dumbass! What do you think I am? Gay?" Kageyama said and chuckled like it was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. He held his bag in front of him and looked innocently up in the ceiling.

"What is going on with you? You're acting weird." Hinata said as he turned around and slid the new pants on, they were a bit too big but he didn't care. They looked borrowed though, but they were better than nothing.

 

Hinatas Point Of View:

He stared without shame, have some shame darn it! What is going on? I got to borrow his pants and they smelled like him.. A smell I .. liked?   
Wait, what..?

I pushed him to the side and unlocked the door, I walked out and tried to keep a straight face.

Some people were still looking and whispering things as I walked past them. What's your deal? I don't have dirty pants anymore!

I saw Kageyama walking out of the bathroom some seconds later, still the bag in front of him. Okay, I know why he had the bag there but why?

How?

I had no idea he was such a pervert! Sneaking peeks at me changing. Me, a guy.. getting undressed..

\---

Later that afternoon in training I noticed him being so distracted that he couldn't even toss the ball. He got the chance so many times, but every time he just caught it.

He caught it and stared at it. I jumped up in the air to hit the ball but he never tossed it to me. So weird..

When he caught the ball a fourth time Suga walked over to him and said "Let's have a talk, outside" laying a hand on Kageyama as they walked out.

I had no idea what the conversation was about. Kageyama seemed very upset, we saw him .. crying?

Suga went inside again, he looked a little disappointed in himself. Daichi went up to him and talked to him. I was curious so I joined in the conversation.

"Hey guys, what happened to Kageyama?"

"He.. well, he told me not to tell you but-"

"Does he have a crush on me?" I asked and Sugas face stopped. No, it literally stopped. He scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously.

"He, well. He's kinda new to these feelings of his. Feelings in general, I suppose?" Suga laughed awkwardly, this conversation was clearly not wanted, I backed off and started stretching with Tanaka.

Kayemaya came back 15 minutes later, avoiding all eye contact. I tried to talk to him but all I got back was "Shut up" and being shoved aside.

 

Third person Point Of View:

"Good work everybody! Hit the showers!" Sensei said and all of the team went to the boys changing room.

Kageyama took the spot closest to the corner. He took his shirt off and watch the others change.. again.

Hinata pulled the shirt over his head, showing the beginning of abs he had. Kageyama's eyes were glued at the smaller boy. Hinata got further undressed and his hairless body was so, delightful. Kageyama froze and couldn't move.

He snapped out of it as Tanaka approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"What happened before bro? You like, fled from practice" Tanaka said and chuckled.

"Oh, nothing.. Just, many things going on right now" Kageyama said and made eye contact and then accidentally looked down at Tamakas abs.

"Did.. Did you just check me ou-"

"No, I didn't." Kageyama cut off and undressed naked.

"Yes, you totally did!" Tanaka said and raised an eyebrow.

"No. I didn't." Kageyama said, grabbed his towel and throws it around his neck making his way to the showers.

Kageyama showered in complete silence, by himself and his thoughts. Every time someone tried to talk to him he just didn't answer and hoped they would go away.

He was the last one in the changing room, everyone had left. He sat down on the bench and laid his head in his hands.

What is going on with me? Do I like Hinata? Am I .. a f- fag?

"Hey.. Kageyama?" Kageyama heard a voice behind him.

"What do you want?" He didn't even bother trying to figure out who it was, who ever it was they had to leave.

"Why are you so down all of a sudden? You ran away on practice all of a sudden and.. I feel like you haven't been yourself lately" He sat down beside Kageyama and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Kageyama turned his head just a little to see that the unknown voice was Hinatas.

Kageyama flew up from the bench and stared at the orange haired boy for a couple of seconds, before running away. Again.


	3. Chapter three - Fix Me

That night Kageyama had a hard time sleeping, too many thoughts floating around in his head.

What if I am gay? Do I like.. men? With their abs.. and their hair.. and ass..

"Damn it.." He turned the other way and flipped the pillow to the cold side.

Okay.. It may just be a phase. I've heard that on TV.. Yeah.. I mean boobs are nice right? Floppy, disgusting, no.

Kageyama looked down and the monster in his pants had completely died from thinking of women. Damn it! Damn it!

I'm really not the person, I had no idea that I was that kind of person. It seemed so distant. Like homosexuals.. I thought they were so different. I had a totally different picture of homosexuals in my head. That image scared me.

Two o'clock in the morning, Kageyama couldn't close his eyes without Hinata popping up in his mind. He imagined Hinata doing stuff to him.. Touching him.. Teasing him.. Loving him..

Kageyama mentally slapped himself.

top! You are just really confused! Go to sleep now and forget about everything!

But Hinata wouldn't leave his mind for one second. It was annoying.. yet amazing

Kageyama tried so hard to think of something else but failed just as hard. At last, he sat up straight in his bed and threw the covers on the floor. Breathing heavily.

Damn it!

 

\---

 

Next day in school Kageyama sat in his corner, as usual, he ignored as many people as he could. He didn't feel well at all due to the lack of sleep, his head felt fuzzy and his vision was blurry. Visions and images of Hinata literally haunting him.

"I got to get my mind on something else" Kageyama thought as he entered the classroom for another uninteresting class. 

 

Lunch came by and Kageyama sat alone on the roof as usual. He poked his food with the chopsticks, he wasn't hungry at all. He just felt really depressed for some reason.. these past days have felt.. very weird..

"Oi! Kageyama!" Tanaka burst out from the roof door and matched up to him.

"What do you want, senpai?" Kageyama said and put the food down, avoiding eye contact.

"Yo, listen man, you've been weird lately so how about this; I can get you a super hot hook up tonight. You down?" Tanaka clung his arm around Kageyama.

Deep down Kageyama really didn't want to go, he had way too many things on his mind right now. But this could be good for him. Maybe getting his mind out of the gutter, getting his thoughts straight. Hopefully.

"Okay, sure" Kageyama said with a hesitant voice.

"Her name is Haruka, she'll meet you outside the school in the end of the day. Thank me later" Tanaka said and proudly sat down beside Kageyama. "Oh come on man, you're getting laid tonight" Tanaka said to Kageyamas face expression and punched his shoulder.

"Yeah.." Kageyama said and tried to look excited, keyword tried.

"You're weird. Anyway, see ya!" And Tanaka was gone from the roof, finally.

Great, a hook up with a girl.. I hope she's pretty and.. can get me on other thoughts.. Kageyama thought and packed the rest of his lunch back in his bag and went for class.

 

\---

 

School ended and Kageyama got his bag in his locker. They didn't have practice today so Kageyama went for the gate as usual. He was just about you go out on the street when someone poked his shoulder.

"Oi! What is wrong with.." Kageyama spouted and snatched his arm back, he became silent when he saw the girl behind him. "Who are you?"

"I'm Haruka, you're Kageyama right?" The girl was .. not that bad looking actually. She had short brown hair with a yellow ribbon in it, she was quite tall but not taller than Kageyama. She was average cute over all.

"Yes I'm Kageyama, where do you want to go?" Kageyama said in the most caring voice he could.

"Maybe to my house?" She said and leaned closer to him. Kageyama felt uncomfortable and took a step back.

"Sure.." He said and turned around, waiting for her to take the lead.

Haruka ran up to him and hugged his arm. He wanted to shake her off but decided that's a bad idea. They walked like that until they came to her house. Kageyama just wished all this was over.

"Here we are!" Haruka bounced up to the door and FINALLY let go of his arm.

They walked inside, it was a nice home. Well cleaned, nicely decorated, it smelled like lemons and green tea, there was nothing wrong with it. Kageyama didn't think or say anything.

"Oh mom, say hi to Kageyama" Haruka yanked him to the kitchen and showed him off to her mom.

"You got a boyfriend and didn't tell me!" She exclaimed and put her hands together. Kageyama has the most uncomfortable look on his face reflecting exactly how he felt.

"Hi.." Was all Kageyama forced out before Haruka childishly continued up the stairs, thank god she did.

Her room was pretty small with a little bed and a drawer. Her walls were filled with posters of bands and drawings that she claimed have done herself.

"So, what do you want to do Kageyama?" Haruka said as they sat on the bed, she stroked her hand across his leg

"I don't know.." Kageyama said and laid down on the bed to get out of her touch, but she was back on the arm faster than Hinata can run through the court.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Haruka said and got really close to Kageyama, he moved back in dissatisfaction.

"If you don't get too close to me" Kageyama said, meaning as a joke and gave her a distant look, this girl was really going on his nerves.

"Haha you're funny, wanna watch Spirited away?" She said and got her computer with Netflix on.

"Sure." Kageyama said in a careless sigh.

(Let's say that Netflix has Spirited away, honestly, I wish it did )

The movie started and Haruka continued being clingy, Kageyama stopped trying to get out of it as he realized that it was impossible. She rarely ever watched the movie and sat and stared Kageyama in his eyes. It was really fucking annoying!

"You know.. We are chilling right now, aren't we?" Haruka said and placed a hand on Kageyamas chest.

"Uh.." was all he could answer.

"And we're watching Netflix.."

"Yeah?"

"That means we and Netflix and chilling then?" She said and closed the computer and tossed it on the floor. She climbed on top of Kageyama and ground against his body. Kageyama was so surprised confused.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" He said and raised an eyebrow at the girls' strange movements.

"I want to be more than friends Kageyama" She whispered and kissed him right on the lips.

Kageyama did NOT return the kiss, he just let her feminine lips touch his awkwardly. Everything about this felt wrong, his body protested. He felt like he was going to throw up. Going pale and pushing her off of him in terror.

"What's the matter with you?" She said stubbornly.

"I have to go." Kageyama said and left the room without another word.

He ran down the stairs and through the living room. Haruka's mom asked where he was going but he didn't answer. He thought he was going to throw up, her kiss was so .. disgusting.

He took his bag and tied his shoes, his hands were slightly shaking.

"Kageyama, what are you doing?" Haruka came running down the stairs after him when Kageyama closed the door behind him. He was out of that fine house, for hopefully ever.

Outside it was already dark, the stars hung far apart from each other in the indigo blue sky. The young evening had a fresh scent. Kageyama took deep breaths of the cold air, he was finally gone from that nightmare.

 

\---

 

Her house was not that far away from his, about ten minutes. He walked down the street and saw Hinatas house passing in the corner of his eye. If it were somewhere he wanted to go, it was Hinatas house.

He let his heart lead the way he stepped up to the front door and knocked, it looked dark inside the house. What if he isn't home?

"..Kageyama?" Hinata opened the door and stuck his little head out with his orange hair shining up the area.

"Can I come inside?" Kageyama scratched the back of his head and looked down in the ground.

"Sure but, what are you doing here at this hour?" Hinata said and let Kageyama inside.

"I-I don't know" Kageyama went straight to Hinatas room without asking for permission. "My feet led me here" Hinata followed him.

"What is the matter?" Hinata sat down on the bed and asked Kageyama to sit down with him.

"I was with this girl, and out of nowhere she went crazy and kissed me" Kageyama said and put his face in his hands.

"Sounds like something a normal guy would want" Hinata said and looked down on the floor.

"I know right? I don't know what's wrong with me? I didn't feel attraction to her at all" Kageyama said and looked Hinata in the eye.

"Maybe she just isn't your type, you'll make a girl so happy one day.."

Hinatas voice was hoarse, he didn't dare look up from the floor. The floor felt like the only thing that deserved his eyes. Eyes.. damn it!

"Hinata.. Are you.. crying?"

"I can't help it!" Hinata sobbed and his hand felt the tears that uncontrollably rolled down his round cheeks" I get it.. you have girl problems! You have no idea what it's like to love someone who is all about girls!" Hinata shouted and cried in his hands.

"I didn't know you were in love.." Kageyama said to him and moved closer, he had never seen Hinata so upset, he felt like the ginger just laid his heart in his hands.

"I am. Ever since I first saw him my whole world changed. I realized I finally got a real friend who would back me up what so ever" Hinata sobbed. "We went on a jurney together, we developed and grew. I'm learning so much of just watching him.. I can't believe I let myself fall face first, so hard. God damn it!"

"You know why I didn't like that girl?" Kageyama stood up and went over straight to Hinata, determined look in his eyes" She didn't respect my personal space and today realized that I should go follow my dream and take a chance when I see it" Kageyama moved even closer to Hinata and he took his head softly and put it against his chest.

"Hinata, when you talked to me outside the bathroom before your first match, all those years ago, and you had a stomach ache, remember that?" Kageyama said and wrapped his arms gently around Hinata.

"Yes, why?"

"When you told me you were 'going to win everything and not ever give up' outside that bath room, I did my very best to conceal the feeling I got for you, right there in that moment. I repressed it and hid it where I thought I would never ever find it again. But recently, it think 'it' has come back and.. I have died every day because..

I was thinking about you, Hinata. I love you"

Kageyama reached down and kissed Hinata gently on his delicate lips.


	4. Chapter four - Lips

"Hinata, I love you"

The words echoed in Hinatas head.

Hinata looked up at Kageyama with big eyes. Kageyama had a tiny smile on his face, and not a creepy one this time. He met Hinatas gaze and smiled at him. Hinata felt his heart beating hard in his chest.

"I..I..uUAAAGH!" Hinatas face broke out in a loud cry and tears streamed down his cheeks.

He flew back in Kageyamas arms and hugged him tightly, it had never felt so good to hug someone.

"May I kiss you, Shoyo?" Kageyama said and laid a hand on Hinatas shoulder and gently pushed him away far enough so he could look at him.

"I uh.. I have never..mph!" Kageyama pressed his lips against Hinatas, they were soft.

They felt like the petals from a mid red rose as the danced along with Hinatas inexperienced ones. They felt like they belonged there.

Hinata still cried tears of joy and his eyes twitched.

Kageyama took the lead of the kiss, he bit Hinatas lower bit, hard, but not too hard. He fondled his arms around the gingers neck and kissed rougher. Hinata gasped for air but Kageyama refused to let go, he pulled him back in.

"Kage-mh" Hinata said before Kageyamas tongue made its way into Hinatas mouth. He explored for a second but suddenly cut off and pulled away.

"Am I going too fast?" He admitted and caressed Hinatas face with his eyes.

"But I like it" Hinata responded and blushed a little.

Kageyama kissed him lightly on the lips one more time, then his mood switched and he got a serious look in his eyes and stared Hinata deep in the eyes. 

"One word about this to the team, or anybody and I will kill you and hide your body in the woods." He looked so scary Hinata couldn't help but get scared.

"O-okay" Hinata said and broke the eye contact, he looked worried and Kageyama noticed that.

"I'm sorry, I was only kidding" He said and scratched the back of his head, "People tell me I can come off as intimidating sometimes"

"You're trying at least" Hinata said and smiled once again.

\---


	5. Chapter five - Come Out Of The Closet Already!

"Can I stay the night?" Kageyama said and hugged Hinata a bit closer. The evening had turned to night outside and the crickets were whistling in the grass. Hinata could hear the taller boys heart beat against his ear.

"Sure, do you have anything to sleep in? A toothbrush? Some sheets maybe?"

"Do I look like I came here with sheets and a tooth brush?" Kageyama said ironically and received a giggle from Hinata. "And I don't need clothes to sleep do I?" He looked at Hinata with one of his tiny precious smiles.

"Do you sleep naked?" Hinatas eyes got bigger.

"You wish, dumbass" Kageyama said and chuckled slightly. "You perv"

"I'm not a perv"

"Yes you are"

"No, I'm not"

"Yes, you are!" Kageyama pushed him to the bed and tickled him.

Hinata is extremely ticklish, especially in his armpits and on his sides. He laughed and turned and twisted his body to avoid Kageyamas fast fingers running along his sides and stomach.

"Kageyama! Stop, I'm gonna pee!"

"Don't pee in the bed, it's gross!" Kageyama said and gave in immediately.

"I was close to, you know how ticklish I am, Tobio" Hinata said and loved the feeling of laying back feeling Kageyama sitting on top of him.

"It's pretty late, we should go to bed. School tomorrow" Kageyama said and glanced at the clock on the wall above them.

"It's your fault for coming to my house so late" Hinata giggled.

"Shut up dumbass you liked it"

 

\---

 

"Kageyama.. Kageyama! Wake up!" Hinata carefully shook his boyfriend out of sleep. Kageyama blinked a few times and sat up, newly woken eyes looking around.

The sun had risen over the rooftops and little birds tweeted in the trees, it was morning.

"Where am I? And why are you here? Why am I naked? Dumbass Hinata get out!" he pulled the covers to cover himself.

"We're at my house, don't you remember anything from last night?" Hinata tilted his head in worry. What if he didn't remember confessing to me?

"What do you mean? What happened last night?" Kageyama got a nervous pink blush on his face.

Hinata told him all about the confessing and everything else that had happened the night before, Kageyama hid his face in embarrassment.

"What's wrong?"

"To be honest, I wanted to confess at the summer bale, I had a plan and everything!" He looked up at Hinata through his fingers.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you! It's not at all like you!"

"Shut up, you dumbass! Now get me some clothes" Kageyama pointed at Hinatas closet.

The ginger looked at the closet, then back at his naked boyfriend in confusion. "I don't think I have anything that fits you though.."

"Wait.. so we slept in the same bed?"

"Mhm"

"Without any clothes?"

"Yup"

Kageyama got a shade of gray on his face, he thought something had happened. Something that wasn't supposed to happen. Hinata giggled from the closet.

"Shoyo..?"

"Yes?"

"You didn't.. see.. anything, did you?"

"I mean I-I.."

"YOU PERVERT!" Kageyama pointed a long finger at the short boy and pulled the sheets up to his chin, making an even bigger scene.

"It isn't my fault that you sleep without clothes.. or covers.."

"..I do what now?"

"Nothing"

"What did you say-"

"Nothing!" Hinata jumped into the closet and closed the door behind him. Kageyama wrapped the sheets around his waist and went up for the closet.

"Come out of the closet!"

Hinata was giggling like a little girl, high on girl scout cookies (Kageyamas words of choice)

"What now?"

"Okay, Kageyama.. I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time.. I'm gay"

Kageyama facepalmed loudly followed by laughter from Hinata who soon came out of the actual closet.

"Was it even a little fun-"

"No."

"Well, we need to hurry to school" Hinata said and threw some clothes at Kageyama, they looked a little tight but it should work. Hinata picked up yesterdays set of uniform from the floor and got dressed as well.

 

Two sandwiches later they left Hinatas house. Their hands braided together and neither of them letting go on the way to school. Hinata had a shining smile like a sun on his face and Kageyama had a smaller one, but they both meant the same thing.


	6. Chapter six - Scary Boyfriend

The newly found couple were holding hands with their suns in the form of smiles on their faces, enjoying the sunny day. Suddenly, a strange voice approached from behind.

"Faggots!"

Kageyama turned around slowly without letting go of Hinatas hand, he had a terrifying look on his face. He could murder anyone in his way with that look.

"What did you say?" Even Hinata sensed his disgust.

"I said you're faggots! Are you going to make out or what?" A short fat boy in baggy clothes and a gross thick mustache shouted from across the street.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Kageyama said, he even scared Hinata a bit with that dark voice of his and that strong word. Used against someone in that matter could be really powerful.

"Kageyama, don't use such words-"

"You stay here, don't move" Kageyama cut him off and rolled up his sleeves as he approached the gross boy.

"Say that again you wimp" He looked down at the boy and cast a shadow over his face. The boy swallowed aloud, stripped off his confidence.

"I-I said you're a aaAAH!" Kageyama took the boys collar and lifted him up in it, pressing him against a wall. It was impressive considering how much this boy probably weighed, Kageyama was almost choking him with his grip but he didn't care one bit.

"Don't try to pick fights, you disgust me." Kageyama let him go and the fat boy fell to the ground, he turned around on one heel and brushed his hands on his pants. The fat boy was running off as fast as his little legs could carry him.

"What a nerd, are you okay? He asked as he slithered his hand back together with Hinatas.

"Of course but what about you? You almost choked him! And you don't need to swear Kageyama!" Hinata looked so worried, Kageyamacouldn't resist kissing his forehead.

"I'm sorry, it's called saving your skin" He looked deep into Hinatas eyes to clarify that everything was in fact okay. "Let's hurry to school" Hinata took a deep breath to calm himself down and they started walking again.

 

"You know, you don't have to use such bad language"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean.."

"Swearwords? Oh come on! I swear all the mother fucking time!"

"Kageyama!"

 

 

\---

 

The two boys turned to the entrance of the school and Hinata felt his boyfriends hand leave him. They exchanged a look that spoke for itself. Kageyama was not ready to come out to the whole school just yet, things have been moving too fast and the safe card is just to let go of each other.

 

The day at school was nothing out of the usual, the couple only had one lesson together unfortunately, art was one of them. Kageyama walked with an unusual swing in his step and hummed a melody quietly to himself through his lips. He entered the classroom and immediately paired up with Hinata.

"Hi dumbass!" He said cheerfully and ruffled the smaller boys ginger hair.

"Kageyama!" Hinata broke out of his grip and looked at his boyfriend with an irritated look, Kageyama only grinned back at him.

Today's assignment was to draw what they thought sadness looked like. They turned the easels against each other and without speaking barely at all, thirty minutes later Kageyama finally opened his mouth.

"Are you done yet?" Kageyama looked past his drawing to try and make eye contact.

"Almost.. There! Wanna see?" Hinata grinned, paint all over his fingers and some in his face. Kageyama couldn't help but giggle discreetly.

He turned the painting around and on the paper, a small, blue figure with big round glasses stood and hung with its head.

"What's that?" Kageyama said and raised an eyebrow.

"It's Sadness from Inside out!"

"Inside what?"

"Inside out, the movie. You haven't watched it?" Hinata tilted his head like a little puppy.

"Nah, I don't watch kids movies" Kageyama said and rolled his eyes.

"It's actually really good, we could watch it sometime. I have it on DVD"

"Like a Netflix and chill kinda night?" Kageyama glanced over at Hinata with seductive eyes.

"Bakageyama, that's all you think about"

"I'm a teenager, I'm supposed to. Don't act like you don't!"

"I don't!"

"Yes you do, everyone does"

"Well, not me.. It's embarrassing"

"You're such a liar" Kageyama said and attacked Hinata and tickled him.

"Stop! I may actually pee my pants this time!" Hinata tried to escape but Kageyama caught up with him and ran his fingers over his stomach.

"We've already had a pants accident in this art classroom, do we need another one?"

"Hey Hinata, let's get a room that's not occupied" Hinata said in a silly low voice in an expression of his boyfriend.

"SHUT UP!"


	7. Chapter seven - This Is Who I Am

That day was nothing out of the ordinary. Hinata took a math test in the afternoon and actually succeeded, he was so happy about it he danced out of the classroom and tripped over his own feet and got a bruise on his knee. He limped to his locker.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the school, Kageyama sat and doodled feathers and hairstyles on the back of his history book in history class. He did not give two fucks about all the old kings who reined a thousand years ago, why should he? He drew Hinatas spiky hair and shadowed it so much his fingers went black.

Hinatas last lesson ended and he couldn't wait to go see Kageyama again. He jumped (as good as his bad knee allowed) all the way down to Kageyamas locker only to find..

"No Kageyama?" Hinata thought out loud and looked around, no Kageyama were to be seen.

Hinata waited impatiently a minute until Kageyama turned around the corner and Hinata flew right in his arms.

"I thought you died!" Hinata shouted dramatically in his chest, sounding like the worried little orange he was, just for fun of course.

"I went to the bathroom, geez" Kageyama said and took a light grip in Hinatas hair and pushed him slightly his away from him. Hinata noticed that he was sweaty and panting a bit.

"I waited for you. For fifteen minutes. What were you doing in there?" Hinata said with a judging look.

"I ran.. up the-uh-stairs, that's why it took so long" Kageyama said and ran his fingers to his hair.

"What stairs? The toilet is right there?" Hinata said and pointed down the hallway.

"Uhh.. Why were you waiting on me anyway?" Kageyama said to change the subject.

"I wanted to invite you for dinner at my place, my parents idea actually! We could watch a movie. Netflix maybe, and you know" Hinatas expression changed 

"Chill.." 

Hinata stood up and gave Kageyama a dominant look, dropping all the hints for his lover to pick up (witch is way out of character, especially for him)

"Oh.. Um that sounds good" Kageyama got hopes almost too high for the night.

"Great! Let's go then!" Hinata said and clinged to Kageyamas arm.

"Stop.." Kageyama yanked his arm back from the red-haired hungry hug-shark, he was still a bit shy about this 'boyfriend' thing at school. Understandably.

"Oh come one Kags, you like it" Hinata said and hugged it tighter, Kageyama felt the shorter boy against his arm, he didn't want to do anything to stop him, because he did like it. Kageyama went with it but tried to look as discreet as possible. Something about it felt so wrong, yet in a way so right.

 

\---

 

They walked hand in hand as they used to on the sunny school yard out of the school area, Kageyama constantly looking over his shoulder. They decided to stop for ice cream while they waited for Hinatas mom to pick them up as she promised in a text to her son.

Hinatas house wasn't that far away from the school but Hinatas mom was already close in the area, she was picking up Natsu from her pre-school and driving her to her flute lesson. 

Hinata licked on his vanilla ice cream with his tiny pink tongue, Kageyama was eating his chocolate one in big bites. Before they knew it, Hinatas moms car came in sight and the boys got inside when it slowed down for them.

"Hi boys! Had a good day at school?" She said happily.

"What is that?" Natsu said and pointed at Kageyama with her little finger and a curious look on her face.

"This is Kageyama, my.. boyfriend!" The whole car stopped. Hinatas mom literally stopped the car when she heard the word 'boyfriend'. Kageyama glared at Hinata. I mean, he was right but did he have to say it in front of his own mother?

"But two guys can't.. What?" Poor Natsu looked so confused, she tilted her head towards her bigger brother.

"Yes they can, isn't that right Tobio?" Hinata gave a loving look at his slightly uncomfortable boyfriend and took his hand. Hinata felt Kageyamas glare but, he also felt a strange feeling.

He felt like he finally was being honest with himself, yes it was a little cruel of Kegyama out of the closet with him but he will understand. One day, I know he will feel this feeling too.

"Mhmm" He said and blushed a little in embarrassment. Ugh, why did he have to say that?!

"Okay" Natsu turned around in the front seat and looked out the window, not further bothered by it. Hinatas mom on the other hand..

"So you're in to boys Shoyo?" She said at last.

"Yes mom, I've wanted to tell you for a while. Are you upset?" Hinata said but hesitated, what if she actually was upset with him?

"No it's fine I just assumed, since you're a boy, it's only normal to like girls.." she was fidgeting with her lips, for her this was a lot to take in

"What do you mean 'it's normal'?" Hinata tilted his head at the slightly homophobic comment from his mother.

"The average boy likes girls, but it's fine I just guessed you would like girls too, like, an average boy would" She said and stumbled a bit on the words in her mouth. "It's not weird for me to assume that, right?"

Hinata felt a little ashamed all of a sudden. he had finally come to terms with who he was and he had a feeling his own mother didn't want to accept it. He felt guilty for it.

 

The couple ate their ice creams slowly as the car rolled down the streets, they made a quick turn and Hinata dropped his ice cream. It made a noise as it touched the seat.

"Shoyo! My car!" His mom shouted upset, breaking the silence.

Hinata looked at Kageyama and giggled a bit. He leaned forward and put his hand before his mouth so that only Kageyama could hear what he was about to say "This reminds me of a weird anime.."

Kageyama knew what he was talking about and his whole body stiffened up, he went pale. "You don't mean.. Have you watched that?!" He blared, a little louder than intended

Hinata just giggled and hid his face in his hands, trying to hold in his laugh.

"Tell me you have not watched it" Kageyama said in a sharp tone, doing his best to not laugh along.

"But even if I have.. It's not like I was in to it! But you can say I've .. learned something" The last thing was so quiet that no one but Kageyama heard it, barely. The car stopped at their parking spot at Hinatas house.

"Now get out you two, I'll make dinner later are you having dinner with us Kageyama?" She said cheerfully, she seemed to have recovered from the previous uneasy-ness.

"Yes please" Kageyama said politely as he got out of the car with Hinata.

The couple walked up to the door of the house and Hinata unlocked it. His mother and sister still getting out of the car.

"I had no idea you were so kinky" Kageyama said to pick up the subject again. This time he couldn't hold back the laughter.

"I'm not k-kinky!" Hinata said carefully so no one heard him, even though they were home alone. "I told you I didn't enjoy it!"

"You've watched animated porn. And you 'learned something' from it" Kageyama said in a normal tone, no shame at all, before giggling again.

Hinata blushed madly of embarrassment, he felt his face turn red as a tomato and his cheeks could have stunned.

"I-I-I-I.. Let's talk about something else, please!" Hinata said and tried desperately to change subject.

"Okay, did you want to watch a movie, or?" Kageyama said and went with changing the subject, he noticed Hinata obviously didn't enjoy the situation as much as he did and he didn't want Hinata to feel uncomfortable. how weird it may have been, he had to let it go

"I have Netflix on my computer, come" He said and ran upstairs, Kageyama followed.

They snuggled up next to each other and Kageyama laid his arm around Hinata. They watched a Ghibli movie (let's imagine Netflix has those, I wish) and Hinata loved finally being so close to Kageyama, he felt his boyfriends warm body against his own and that made him purr like a cat. It doesn't matter what mom thinks, or what anybody may think. I love him and that's what matters.. Hinata thought in his head and snuggled closer.

"I'm going to stay at my country house over the weekend. Wanna come with?" Kageyama said as Hinata just yawned.

"That sounds like fun, I'll ask my mom" Hinata said and felt himself becoming sleepier. "Tomorrow" and before he knew it, he fell asleep on Kageyamas chest.


	8. Chapter eight - A Fanfiction Within a Fanfiction (short)

Suga stood on a lonely street in the middle of nowhere when he got the message.

"Koshi, I love you."

He turned around and Daichi Sawamura stood behind him. the only person in the whole world he wanted to see right now.

The sky was painted in a thick gray layer of heavy clouds. They looked up and a star fell from the sky just as Daichi moved closer.

"It's just another night, and I'm staring at the moon"

Daichi sang with his deep jazz voice. Sugawara giggled, as this song (All of the starts, Ed Sheeran) was one of their favorites. Daichi got really close to Suga and placed a hand around his waist and another around his neck.

"I saw a shooting star, and thought of you"

Daichi looked deep into Sugas eyes as their foreheads touched, their lips met in a warm embrace against the cold weather, just as the sky opened and poured water down on the couple with all its might until they both were soaking wet from head to toe.

"Where even are we?" Suga said after a while as they let go off the kiss and couldn't resist giggling at the whole scenario.

"I don't give a damn!" Daichi said and laughed loudly out of pure joy.

"I want to marry you someday" Suga smiled and looked away.

"I have to marry you someday" Daichi assured, "You showed me what it's like to not to be afraid anymore, without you who knows where I would have been right now?" Daichi said softly as he tilted his chin to look at him closer.

 

 

The whole team stood completely still and everyone's mouth gaped. Yatchi cleared her throat as to say she was done. Not a sound could be heard except Tanakas and Noyas sobbing.

"That.. that was beautiful" Tanaka said and wiped a tear from his eye.

"How could they see a star fall if it was cloudy?" Tsukishima scoffed and looked at Yamaguchi beside him. He shrugged.

"It's called fanfiction" Yatchi said proudly.

"If our relationship was that interesting" Suga said and looked at his boyfriend.

"Shut up, I'm the romantic one!" Daichi said and stood up to eskimo kiss his boyfriend.

"Wait, so you are .. It's .. It's CANON! KIYOKO! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS!" Yatchi ran out of the room in almost tears.


	9. Chapter nine - Hit the Shower!

"Okay, guys! Warm up we have volleyballs to hit!" Daichi said in his most coachy voice and clapped his hands together.

"Hey there, coach.. You sound like you really can take control" Suga whispered in his ear from behind seductively, half jokingly.

"Oh you know I can" Daichi answered in a sexy voice as well, the rest of the team all raised an eyebrow in unison. Daichi and Suga met for a giggly kiss, not even noticing the rest of the team

"Are they always like this?" Ennoshita said to Yamaguchi in a lower tone so no one else would hear.

"I think so.." He answered and shrugged.

"Kageyama! Throw me a toss!" Hinata shouted and jumped high up in the air and closed his eyes, opening them just before the ball touched Kageyamas hands.

His eyes shone like stars and his mouth slightly gaped and what looked like a smile formed on his lips, he looked so thrilled and so happy. Hinata got distracted and a little shocked by it, he was so caught up in it that he forgot to hit the ball when it flew towards him. It passed him and Hinata landed on the ground.

"Dumbass! Hit the ball!" Kageyama exclaimed and ruffled Hinatas hair, a little harder than usual.

"Is something the matter? You seem out of focus" Kageyama said and tilted his head to look his boyfriend carefully to check if he was okay.

"What.."

"What's up with you?" Kageyama said once again, and then Hinata snapped out of it.

"Oh, nothing. Let's just try again!" And Hinata turned around to his position to run and hit the ball before Kageyama could say anything more.

 

\---

 

The showers were one of Kageyamas favorite places, he could think freely and block out all the other sound with water and thick shampoo foam. Kageyama massaged the roots of his hair.

"Can I borrow your shampoo?" Hinata trowed his towel around his neck and asked the setter with a smile as they entered the showers.

"Sure, and you can borrow soap and conditioner and a tampon!" Kageyama snapped and grinned slightly at the laughter he received from the rest of the team.

"Good one Kagz" Tanaka said giggling from his stall.

"I told you to stop giving me nicknames already! But seriously you need to start bringing your own stuff" Kageyama said through his lips and gave Hinata the shampoo.

He took the bottle and squeezed it over his head so that it made a sound similar to a fart, Tanaka giggled.

"That's what good puss-"

"No!" Hinata cut him off before finishing, he was really tired of Tanakas dirty minded jokes, all about girls.. Did he think about anything else?

"Y'all should be done in ten minutes!" They heard Yachis voice from the door and everyone hurried up, she used to tell them stuff like that so it was no biggie. She would never come in and peek, she's way too shy for that. She just stuck her head in and then out.

"So, orange head, it's Friday today isn't it?" Kageyama said as he tried to get some shampoo out of his eyes.

"That one was new, well yes indeed it is" Hinata said and had already finished showering and stepped out of the stall. Trying to get a glimpse of Kageyamas sculpted butt, but immediately steering his eyes back forward.

"You should pack your bags, we're leaving tonight" Kageyama said and followed him to the changing room.

"Leaving?" Hinatas face looked like a question mark.

"Yeah? You agreed to be coming with to my country house this weekend with me, did you forget about that?" Kageyama said slightly offended, but not offended enough to show it.

"Oh, right. No, I didn't forget I just.. It's just.. my mind was somewhere else" Hinata lied and looked away.

"You're such a terrible liar, dumbass" Kageyama said and tickled Hinata light in the armpit, he twitched slightly at the touch but laughed it off.

Kageyama noticed Hinatas adorable laugh and stopped for a moment, just enjoying looking into his eyes.

"Fffffagget!" Tanaka shouted from the shower but quickly getting snatched by Nishinoyas towel in the side.

"Kageyama?" Hinata whispered and pulled his boyfriend closer "speaking of.." pausing to give Tanak a dirty look "Are we gonna come out to the team?"

"What no! Can you imagine their reactions?" Kageyama said in an angry whisper.

"So we're basically back in the closet?"

"Yes, well I never really came out.." Kageyama wheezed and looked away in shame.

"Does it matter? We're in there together" Hinata said and kissed his boyfriend right on the lips.

"I TOLD YOU!" Tanaka shouted once again and the pair realized the whole team had been watching the whole time.

"Shit," was the only thing going through their heads.


	10. Chapter ten - Hot Pink

"Okay, one pair of shorts, one pair of jeans, and two pairs of underwear just in case, and a sweater and a T-shirt.." Hinata mumbled to himself as he put the clothing in the bag.

The sun shone bright in the afternoon hour, the birds tweeted and the trees sang with the wind. A wonderful day in June. Hinata was so excited to go to Kageyamas country house, they were going to sleep in a separate house from the rest of his family, that meaning they got some quality time together.

"I can't help it if I make a scene, stepping out of my hot pink limousine." Hinata turned his head and waved to imaginary paparazzis. 

"Turning heads and I'm stopping traffic when I pose they scream and when I joke they laugh I got a, pair of eyes that they're getting lost in" Hinata sang and danced in his room to a silly song he'd heard on TV when Natsu watched Cartoon Network the other day. (aka Steven Universe, listen to the song it's great xD)

He packed a soap and a pair of swim shorts, he was just about to close the bag when he saw something flash.

He glanced over to the table and noticed a condom lying there and reflecting the sun in his eye. It was a green rectangular package with a round outlining on it. Before he even thought about how it got there he took it and put it under all his clothes in the bag.

"I'm leaving now mom!" He shouted down the stairs and put his phone in his pocket and shut the door behind him. It didn't close all the way and his mom spied in through the slim opening to see that the condom she placed there was gone.

"Be safe honey!" She shouted after her son but he didn't answer, he had just closed the door outside.

 

Kageyamas car stood there waiting for him on the street, Hinata waved to his boyfriend and got inside the car.

"Hello Hinata, feeling well?" Kageyamas mother asked him as he climbed in the backseat.

"I'm good thank you Mrs. Kageyama, I'm so excited and thankful that I got to follow you to your country house" Hinata answered politely and received a strange look from Tobio. He looked like he had seen an alien or something.

"What's wrong?" Hinata asked Tobio and tilted his head like the cute little crow he is.

"I've never heard you speak like that before, you're weird" Tobio took out a meat bun from a paper bag and gave it to Hinata "Here you are, dumbass"

To Hinata it was very important to be nice and polite to adults, he respected them very much. Kageyama on the other hand couldn't care less, being polite is a waste of time. He wasn't exactly rude but if polite meant he had to interact nicely with everyone, then polite my ass.

The car rolled out of town and big trees surrounded them. Hinata said he could jump and touch them, Kageyama said he was stupid.

After half an hour when Hinata wanted to sleep on his shoulder, Kageyama got close to his ear and whispered really quietly "Do not under any circumstances show any PDA, got it?" 

"Why not?"

"I told you before, I'm not out and if I would come out my life would be ruined, so don't say anything" Kageyama looked over his shoulder, worried that his mom or dad would've heard, but they hadn't heard a thing.

"It can't be that bad, but fine" Hinata gave up but rolled his eyes. It all was a little bit silly to him but he respected Kageyamas choice.

"Pinky swear" Kageyama forced his pinky finger to lock with Hinatas.

"It's pinky promise" Hinata said and closed his pinky finger around Kageyamas.

 

\---

 

Two hours later, the sun was at the very end of the horizon and red as blood, it cast a pink shade on the sky and the tiny clouds above them reflected in a pink light.

The car stopped and Hinata was still asleep, snoring like a little kitten.

Kageyama almost didn't want to wake him up, the last 15 minutes had gone to just watch the little thing sleep, (not weird at all) he didn't want it to end here. Eventually he had to wake up, but wait, maybe he didn't!

Kageyama let both their seat belts slide off and stretched over the sleeping boy to open his door, he carefully scooped him up in his arms and carefully got out of the car. He barely weighed anything, Kageyama felt like was carrying a deer kid, or a little fluffy sleeping bunny, he loved that feeling. Carrying something precious.

He carried him up to the big house and let him down on the little sofa, he didn't move. Kageyama went back to the car to get his and Hinatas bags but before he left, he looked to see if the coast was clear, and placed a tiny kiss on Hinatas forehead.

Some time later Hinata woke up, he sat straight up on the sofa and wondered where the heck he was. He looked around but didn't seem to find anything familiar except.. Kageyama!

"Hey.." Kageyama leaned against the wall behind him giving a smolder.

"Hi.. Where am I?" Hinata said slightly confused

"At my country house dumbass, you were asleep when we arrived so I carried you up" Kageyama said looking around him, paranoid.

"Yay!" Hinata flew high up in the air of excitement "We'll be staying here all weekend baby!"

"No stupid, we'll be staying in a smaller house, get your bags" Kageyama waved to his boyfriend to follow him.

They walked out of the house and immediately got shot in the heart by the fantastic view. The last beams of sun spreading across the landscape of wild meadows and flowing seas. The little house were placed at the very top of a hill and you could see the whole village from up there, Hinata was speechless.

"It's- It's beautiful!" He said with eyes sparkling like stars on his face.

"Ain't it?" Kageyama took a deep breath of the evening air "You can taste forest all the way"

"Forest?" Hinata tilted his head.

"Yeah, it's a forest on the other side of the garden. Wanna see?" Kageyama saw Hinatas shimmering eyes as he nodded. 

"Then you'll have to catch me" Kageyama turned and ran ahead of Hinata before he could react. Hinata soon got the hint and ran after him as fast as his legs could carry him.

They were fast, very fast. Kageyama ran just a few steps ahead but Hinata caught up and touched his back, he slowed down.

"I..I win" Hinata said panting. He stopped and bent over trying to catch his breath.

"You're good for being a dumbass" Kageyama admitted and grinned a little at the tease.

"Bakageyama" Hinata said and laid a hand on his shoulder and spun him around. "Kageyama?"

"Yes, Hinata"

"Can we get inside the house now? I have something for you" Hinata whispered as close to Kageyamas ear as his height allowed. Kageyama got chills on his neck but responded "Hm" and led them both to the house.

It was much smaller than the one Hinata woke up in, It was just a queen sized bed in the middle and one table. Hinata let his bag slide down his arm and sat on the bed, Kageyama sat down beside him.

"So, what did you have for me?" Kageyama moved a bit closer to his boyfriend.

Before Kageyama could react, Hinata had placed his soft lips on top of his and now begged for entrance. Kageyama let him in and Hinata took control over the kiss. It was still soft and in a way, healing even though it was with tongue. It felt magical.

Hinata let go and watched Kageyama, his eyes glowed and his cheeks were bright pink. His whole face sparkled like Tinker bell had touched it.

"You did it!"

"I did what?"

"You did that thing where your eyes glow, you gave me the exact look you had earlier when you were about to hit the ball in practice. That look was pure happiness, I'm glad I made you feel that way." 

Hinata snuggled up to Kageyamas chest and looked up at him.

Kageyama couldn't form a word.


	11. Chapter eleven - Pleasure Nightmare (smut)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RAPE AND MOLESTING TRIGGER WARNING!!!
> 
> Please do not read this is this triggers or upsets you, or if you're under fourteen years old.  
> Stay safe and take precaution!

Kageyamas heart beat loudly in his chest and his breathing got faster, he didn't know what to say.

The sun was almost entirely gone and the birds tweeted in his ears, the pink light shone in on the two creating a warm atmosphere. He wanted to say something but he forgot how.

"Hinata I.." he begun, but stumbled upon his words "I fghm- I h- I love you" He said very quietly. But Hinata had almost fallen to sleep on his chest, he snored like he did in the car. How could he be tired after just taking a nap like half an hour ago?!

"Hey dumbass!" Kageyama shook him lightly "Wake up, or else you won't be able to sleep tonight" Kageyama shook him off and laid him on the bed, he looked so peaceful.

Kageyama placed himself on top of the sleeping boy and before he knew it their lips touched again.

It felt so comfortable on top of him, almost too good. Their crotches were merely touching each other and it felt weird, yet good. It felt like he had to move away, he had to move away! Kageyama knew he wasn't doing the right thing.

Yet somehow he couldn't move a single muscle in his body.

His mind said no, but his body was filled to the fullest with lust and it screamed yes! Hinata looked so helpless and, beautiful, yet so submissive and sexy. Kageyama couldn't stand against it anymore.

He unzipped his pants slowly, revealing his growing erection. He should stop, but he couldn't stop. Damn, why now of all times?!!

His lust got the best of him and he dragged his fingers against his member and few times before carefully stripping his sleeping, innocent lover.

Hinata didn't resist, beyond consciousness he laid still on his back as Kageyama seductively slid his pants off.

Hinata was wearing his finest boxer briefs, dark blue with black stripes. Kageyama admired them, devouring them with his eyes. He cupped Hinata with his strong hand, massaging his size gently.

He felt it rise, he felt it harden. Hinatas member stretched up for the ceiling and twitched as Kageyama touched it with the tip of his fingers.

He grabbed it through the clothing and slightly stroked it, Hinatas faces made a weak expression of pleasure. 'Damn, why haven't I stopped? What am I doing?'

Kageyama almost felt a bit afraid of himself, he was so horny he couldn't see straight (literally) and control was out of his reach. He knew what was right, a little voice in the back of his head was telling him to stop. 'Stop! Now!'

But before he knew it Hinatas pretty underwear laid in a pile on the floor in the corner of the room and he found himself staring at his lovers' naked genitals.

It was bigger that he had expected, lean, luscious. Kageyama felt the voices in his head screaming for him to stop. But all he wanted right now was to devour him, all of him.

He took his own underwear off and tossed them somewhere he didn't care. He attacked little helpless Hinata and humped him beyond return.

He thrust at him from the depth of his hips and felt his foreskin go back and forth around his throbbing member. Hinata was giving small hpm- noises with each thrust meaning he seemed enjoyed it as well.

The skin around his hard cock tightened as he was going faster. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. He was hard as stone and he saw his own sweat drops drip down and getting sucked in by Hinatas shirt.

All he heard was Hinatas weak moans and his own panting that got more intense for each second. He could feel an orgasm crawling up from his thighs and shoulders.

 

Even Kageyamas strong thighs had a limit and they felt weaker and weaker as the climax came closer and closer. He could feel his body twitching and he almost wanted to stop, yet he also wanted this to go on forever.

"Oh my god, hng, ah" Kageyama moaned to himself as he tried to hold it in for as long as he possibly could.

This felt so much better than doing by himself, it was usually at night before he went to sleep or in the morning before he got out of bed. He had watched the strangest porn, weird what people are into these days. This was so much better than porn. So much better.

He just couldn't hold it anymore, he knew he'd be ruining the sheets but that was so unimportant right now. He released and felt pure goodness running trough his body, from the top of his neck down to his toes and out through his twitching member, out in the warm air.

Hinata came a couple of seconds later and he was sweating and panting as well, but his eyes were still closed and he seemed to still be asleep somehow. How did he not wake up..?

Kageyama noticed his vision becoming blurrier and he soon passed out beside his lover.

 

\---

 

When he woke up again, the sky was dark and clear with tiny sparkling stars and a big round moon, owls and crickets were loudly whistling in Kageyamas ears.

He sat straight up and wondered who he was for a moment. He looked around but he was all alone, Hinata was not to be seen anywhere.

"Hinata.." Kageyama said loud to himself and rose from the bed. He searched around but couldn't find him anywhere. He realized what he had done.

While unconscious he had used his best friend, teammate, and lover. Just because he was asleep didn't mean he had given consent. What if he didn't want him to be made love to, I sound crazy of course he didn't! Kageyama thoughts ran through his head and he was panicking from all the guilt.

What if was..

No..

The word rape echoed in his head. This couldn't be true, it mustn't! He slammed his head hard against the wall, witch obviously hurt like hell and he laid his head in his hands and sat down on the bed again. 

"Son of a bitch.." He said to himself, almost letting a sob escape from the back of his throat.

He winched and flew up from the bed. Without thinking he put his shoes on and ran as fast as he could out, away, as far away from here as possible. He ran until he didn't feel his feet.

He ran until he had no idea where he was.

He wanted to run away from reality, to another dimension where none of this had happened. Oh god, Hinata.. I'm so sorry..

 

At the same time, Hinata returned to their little house from the main one. He had played Monopoly and such with Kageyamas family while he was sleeping. He had brought a cup of tea with him and knocked on the door, only to find it kindly sliding open at his command.

Not a soul was inside and the room became cold, the last thing Hinata saw was the lack of Kageyamas shoes and his jacket, totally forgotten.


	12. Chapter twelve - On the Run And Go

"Kageyama! I have tea for you!" Hinata called into the small room but only hearing his own voice bouncing back at him from the walls. The tiny house with only one room was completely empty.

He turned around in his step and went up to the main house, maybe they just passed each other? But no one had seen him there either. He went to the outdoor bathroom, still no Kageyama. 

Hinata became more worried as the hours went by. The clock struck seven, eight, nine, he was nowhere to be seen. What scared Hinata even worse was that his shoes were gone, he had went off for sure but no one knows where. I hope he's not cold, or lost..

At 10 PM, Hinata sat with Kageyamas parents around the dinner table and waited. Hinatas face was pale, he was concerned out of his mind, barely holding back tears.

"We have to call the police" Kageyamas mother whimpered sadly and a tear rolled down her cheek. "Oh, Tobio.."

"It's going to be okay, we'll find him darling" Kageyamas father laid an arm around his wife and hugged her, he then grabbed his phone and dialed the police.

Hinata was shaking. His hands fumbled, his legs tapped, his teeth chattered. He held Kageyamas jacket close to his body, he didn't take his eyes of it for one minute. He couldn't feel anything, yet he felt everything at the same time. He thought about Kageyama, someone who had made him feel wanted. Someone in this big scary world that he felt like he could trust. His chest ached just by the thought of anything happening to him.

He heard the grown ups anxious voices in the back of his head and they blurred out more and more each second, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to do something, anything! He rose from the table and cried at the top of his lungs;

"I'LL FIND HIM! EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

He broke out in tears and sobbed loudly, as he clenched Kageyamas jacket hard in his hand and ran out in the night, before Kageyamas parents could stop him.

He couldn't think clearly, ssomething, someone was screaming Kageyamas name in his head. His legs moved without his power to stop them. He ran like he was being chased. He ran as far away from there as possible. The only reasonable thoughts in his head he which way Kageyama might've taken.

 

He ran through the forest, out through the meadow, out on the big highway and he didn't stop until the came too a small inn on the highway. He was lost and cold, the only warmth from Kageyamas jacket, he held it close to his chest. He burst in the hall of the inn with his breath in his throat.

"Excuse me! Have you seen my b.. my friend!?" He looked around and the in the room and the only one there was an old obese guy who sat in the front desk and looked bored. He scoffed at the small boys distressed cry.

"He has black hair and he is pretty tall and he runs really fast and.. and.. and.." Hinata started crying loudly and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. The receptionist sighed.

"Not here buddy, now get out.. What are you doing our here anyway?" He went over to the other side of the disk, took some papers and was just about to leave.

"Well I told you. I'm looking for my-" Hinata was cut off by the door in the very back of the desk slamming shut in his face, the big receptionist was gone. Hinata didn't think much of it other then the rude fact that he had gotten a door in his face, but he turned in his step and went out again.

He ran along the highway and spotted an opportunity to turn, he took it and it led in to the forest again on a gravel road. He knew that only with immense amount of luck he would actually find his friend again. He needed that luck, he prayed for that luck. He felt so lonely with all those big trees suddenly surrounding him. He felt small. He was small.

Hinata was scared.

He was lost.

But now is not the time to get scared and back out of it. He had one goal in mind and he was not stopping until he had it. He had his own word on finding Kageyama and he was going to do it. One way or another. Any way would work right now.

Feet hurting like hell and tears that dried on his cheeks, the salt itched on the sides of his face. His legs were ready to give up, but not Hinata. He pushed through.

Not much later, his legs were all out of power, he slowed down against his will. Landing on his knees, panting. Feeling his legs pulse with pain he looked up and tried to catch his breath. That was the first time in a while he actually had stopped and looked around. It was a clear night with shining stars on a deep blue canvas.

"Where the heck am I? I'm never gonna find Kageyama, am I? Or the way home.." Hinata stood on four legs panting and crying, everything was over. His tears fell on the ground, making wet little spots. The night smelled like fresh grass and tall trees. It was cold, really cold.

In the middle of nowhere, searching for someone that ran away. That someone that gave you a reason to wake up in the morning. Someone so precious to you, it hurts. What if he never comes back? What if he got himself stuck or what if he's already dead!?

Hinata wiped tears on the back of his hand as he rose slowly from the ground and brushed the dirt off his knees. The stars sparkled and shone high above. He didn't have time for these emotions. Every minute the spent crying, Kageyama got further away. At least it felt like it.

Hinata swallowed hard, it hurt in his throat from having cried for so long. He saw a star fall.

Ever since he was a little kid, he had always wanted to see a star fall, he thought it only would happen in the movies, but right now a star fell right before his red, swollen eyes. If it was sometime he really needed a wish. It had to be now.

Hinata closed his eyes and put Kageyamas jacket close to his face. He took a deep breath of his scent and couldn't help but to say out loud... 

"I wish Kageyama were here.."

 

\---

 

Hinata was devoured by fear. A fear of something he couldn't control. To love someone so deeply and have it taken away from you, it hurts. It hurts so bad.

His heart beat felt almost invisible, it felt like nothing. It had been beating so hard in his chest, he felt numb now. To love someone so deeply, it makes you feel like half the person you once were, it makes really you...

Weak..

Because without that person, you don't feel like a person yourself.

 

"When you were here before.."

Lifting his head from his palms. Someone was singing, Hinata recognized that voice.

"Couldn't look you in the eye.."

That wasn't just anyone's voice... He would never mistake that voice for anyone's... It had to be..

"You're just like an angel.."

Hinata started running towards the singing. It couldn't be..

"Your skin makes me cry.."

Hinata felt the air in his face, flinching away as he went so fast his feet almost didn't touch the ground, he heard him. He heard Kageyama.

 

"But I'm a creeeep!"

"I'm a werido.."

"What the hell am I doing here..?"

"I don't belong here.."

 

A huge barn looked down at him, a huge old barn without a roof. It looked broken down and dangerous to enter, but Kageyama was singing in there. He had to go inside.

The big door was heavy and creaky, but he managed to push it open only to see Kageyama sitting in the corner, freezing. Singing with a clear, deep voice.

He looked up at Hinata with red cried eyes, chattering teeth, and twitching hands. Hinata wanted to just run up to him and catch him in his arms, but he looked scared. He looked distant. 

"What are you doing here?" Kageyama almost whispered and sobbed.

"You ran away. Do you have any idea of how scared I was!?" Hinata shouted at his face and ran up to him anyway, hugging him hard, but Kageyama shook him off.

"Don't touch me!" He rose from his place and took a few steps on his shaky legs.

"Here, I brought your jacket" Hinata rose too and stretched out his arm with the jacket in his hand, Kageyama turned around to give it a dirty look, he took it without making eye contact.

"What happened to you?" Hinata said slowly. Carefully. He felt like Kageyama could escape again any second.

"I.. I can't tell you. You would kill me." He walked to the door and pushed it open.

"Are you crazy?! I would never kill you, why can't you understand..?!" Hinata looked deep into Kageyama dark eyes, choking back sobs he though he had run all out of. 

"I love you Tobio Kageyama..." Hinata paused. Kageyama only looked down at the ground, he couldn't bare to even look him in the eye. Hinata continued.

"I was so scared, I felt like there was something missing and it was you.." Hinata took a deep breath and tried to colect himself. 

"Out of the blue, you were just suddenly gone. Your family called the police and I ran away after you, do you have any idea where we are?"

"I'm a monster. You don't love a monster" Kageyama pushed himself past Hinata and out through the big, rotten wooden door. But Hinata stopped him.

"You are so stupid! Just tell me what you did I love you no matter what!"

"I raped you! Okay?! I raped you while you were taking a nap. Now don't touch me" He turned his head slowly to look at Hinata last time.. Finally looking his confused and despaired boyfriend in the eyes.

 

"I don't deserve it"


	13. Chapter thirteen - Heavy Rain

Kageyama was just in his hands, but he was sliding away again. Hinata felt Kageyama getting more distant as he walked further away, one foot in front of the other. But Hinata was not going to let him go, not one more time...

Hinata heard Kageyama starting to run, but Hinata was not slow to catch up. Kageyama noticed him behind and ran faster. He was doing anything to not look him in the eyes, he just couldn't. He didn't deserve it.

"Kageyama! Don't run, please!" Hinata shouted as he chased him down the country road. It felt weird playing this inappropriate game of tag in the middle of the night...

Kageyama suddenly stopped. They found themselves at the top of a hill, just as the sky opened and rain soaked them. Hinata caught up and stopped a few meters away from the raven, still a little afraid to touch him. They stood there looking out over the meadows that never seemed to end, Kageyama turning around with tears in his eyes. For the first time in, what felt like ever, he actually met Hinatas desperate eyes. He looked like a mess.

"Why can't you get it through your thick little head?" Kageyama said so quietly he barely even heard himself "I did something terrible. Something illegal!" He raised his voice and looked up and forced the tears to stay behind his eyelids.

"I don't care" Hinata came closer "It doesn't matter I'm not telling anyone... By the way, you really thought I was asleep?"

They exchanged looks and Hinata couldn't resist chuckling a little. Kageyama looked like a tornado just swept through inside his head.

"Wait so you-"

"I was awake the whole time and I could have told you to stop if I wanted to" He booped Kageyamas nose "But I didn't"

"But that's so weird, why didn't you just tell me you weren't sleeping? Isn't that a weird thing to fake?" Kageyama said and raised an eyebrow, poor thing had his whole view changed.

"Oh, I'm weird? Well, I didn't get the idea to strip my boyfriend and fuck him in his sleep" Hinata said jokingly. Kageyama was surprised at his choice of words, Hinata really wasn't the type to swear. 

Everything he was hearing was so weird, he had painted a perfect picture in his head about how he would go to prison or at least that the police would know and that he had brought shame on his entire family. 

"Fair point. But I couldn't do anything about it, I guess I was so horny I lost control of myself" Kageyama admitted very embarrassed and sat down in the middle of the road.

"But still. It was very irresponsible-"

"I know! Ugh, I feel so, bad for it!" Kageyama cut him off and hid his face in his palms.

"But you can't just run away! You're crazy! Did I mention your family called the police?" Hinata spouted and sat down next to him on the cold wet gravel road.

"I didn't know what I was thinking. Will you forgive me?" Kageyama said and locked his hand in Hinata's, who now also sat on the dirty ground.

"If you come back home" Hinata answered and leaned to his shoulder. "I had no idea you sang by the way" He looked up at his now blushing boyfriend.

"I don't, I just.. Sometimes when I'm alone or when I have a lot of things on my mind... I sing" He said shamefully. "Lately I've sung a lot when I.." He stopped mid sentence.

"You can't just stop!" Hinata said and motioned for him to continue.

"I guess when I'm... thinking about... you?" Kageyama admitted and Hinata saw the senserity in his eyes. He really meant that.

"That's weird," Hinata said and giggled. The rain made his hair wet and it laid down following the form of his head. Taking his heart to heart moment so lightly was maybe a foul move of his, but it's too late to take it back now. How else was I supposed to react?!

"Shut up, don't act like you don't sing in the shower all the time!" Kageyama stated and punched him on the shoulder.

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No, I don't!

"Yes, you do!"

"I don't!"

"You do!"

"I don't!

"You do!"

"I don't!"

"You.. DO!" Kageyama attacked Hinata with his fingers and tickled him across his stomach.

Hinata gave in and fell to the ground with his boyfriend on top of him. He was a mess, laughing, crying, twitching at Kageyamas touches. Completely soaked from the downpour and covered in dirty from the road, his wet shirt sticking to his body. And after all, he was happy because he found Kageyama. He didn't have to feel scared anymore.

"Stop! Ah! My bladder" Hinata held his stomach and crossed his legs to force himself not to pee.

"Tch, You're such a child" Kageyama scoffed and stopped tickling.

"I can't help it!" Hinata said and giggled. It was so adorable that Kageyamas heart almost died. He had missed that giggle so much.

"You're hair looks so strange when it's wet" Kageyama touched his boyfriends dripping hair with his lean, slender hand.

"I guess I have the same style as you now" He teased and played with Kageyamas hair back.

"Yeah? Well except yours looks horrible" He laughed and touched foreheads with Hinata.

He put a hand on Hinatas face and kissed him passionately, Hinata returned the kiss and their lips danced perfectly with each other. Just a moment ago, he thought he was never going to feel this feeling again.

They both have longed for this kiss for so long, they almost forgot what it felt like not to hide. Not to fake and pretend they were just friends when other people were around. I felt awesome. It felt like they had the whole world for themselves.

"Hey, how about we try to find our way home?" Hinata said when they let go and looked at his boyfriend like he was the only boy in the world.

"That sound good, I'm freezing my ass off!" Kageyama exclaimed and stood up over Hinata with his feet departed at his hips. "Here" He offered his hand for him to take.

"Please say butt." Hinata said and took his hand to help to stand up.

"Oh weren't you the one who said 'fuck' some minutes ago?" Kageyama teased and grinned playfully.

"I won't admit it" Hinata said and looked away.

"Oh look how shy you are, my little, pumpkin pie" Kageyama said and lifted Hinata up with his feet around his own hips.

"When did you become so romantic?" Hinata raised an eyebrow.

"When did you become so adorable?" He answered cheesily and gave him a peck on the lips again.

"This is really not like you." Hinata said and locked his hands around Kageyamas neck.

"Well, you like it so stop complaining" Kageyama answered and adjusted his grip around Hinata before realizing he would just slide off anyway. "Hop on the back instead, let's go home"

 

(*cough Tokyo Ghoul cough*)

(I'm so sorry)

And they wandered off on the country road together, soaking wet in the middle of the night. Happy because, they were finally together.

 

THE END

 

(Jk, end of chapter though xD)


	14. Chapter fourteen - Forbidden (smut)

The next thing Kageyama knew was the smell of exhaust, like the smell of a car, the smell of a...

"Huh?" Kageyama sat up suddenly in his seat and looked around confused.

"Oh, you're awake" Hinata smiled like a sun to his boyfriend in the seat beside him.

"Where? What?" Kageyama didn't remember anything up to this point, he tried so hard to figure out how the hell he ended up in a car.

"If you do anything like that again, you're not welcomed home. You ran away like a little child! What are you five?" Kageyamas mother growled and stared at her son in the front mirror with a look that could have killed.

"We were so worried!" His father said and tried to calm down his upset wife.

"I'm sorry" Kageyama slurred and rubbed his eyes. Feeling embarrassed that that was all he could say, after all that happened.

"Are we there yet?" Hinata said to change the subject.

"About fifteen minutes." Kageyamas mother said between her teeth as she glanced at the clock.

Kageyama decided not to ask questions. He just had too many, and in second thought it didn't matter. What was done, was done. He would change it if he could but, he couldn't. The car rolled down the last hill before a somewhat city formed around them. Hinata was excited, Kageyama was still tired.

*thirteen minutes later*

"Oh look there's my house, Miss, I can hop off here!" Hinata said and pressed himself to the window of the car.

Kageyamas mom murmured something unclear and stopped the car, still upset. Hinata took his bags from the trunk and waved goodbye to the Kageyama family. Their car continued and the last Tobio saw was Hinata unlocking the door to his house.

It was stupid, he was stupid. Hinata is a real dumbass. Kageyama thought.

One, he waved goodbye like a little child even thought Hinata is older than me... and no I don't admit that it was cute.

Two, he didn't get mad about what happened last night, not even one bit. I don't deserve to be treated so kindly, what I did was terrible.

He's so stupid for just letting it go like that, what if I gave him an STD or something? Wait, isn't that infected by blood? I have no idea, they didn't say this in school.. not that I would have listened anyways...

The car stopped at Kageyamas house and he got outside, his body moved automatically without him controlling it. Like on rails.

In his room, on his back, on his bed, staring at the ceiling. 

"Oh well.. What to do now? Do I have any homework? Probably not.. Not that I would've remembered it anyways. Do I have any-"

His thoughts got interrupted by his phone vibrating. He slid it out of his pocket only to see Hinatas name show up with the text I miss you <3 under it.

Oh come on, that's so cheesy... He thought, but swiped right on it and tapped the four number code to unlock his phone.

H/ I miss you <3

K/ Shut up Hinataboke..

H/ What? Why do you always have to be so cold? <3

K/ Why do you always use hearts?

H/ Bc I know you secretly like them <3 <3 <3

K/ Ur such a dumbass..

H/ Wud?

K/ Laying on the bed, chatting with a cheesy bastard called a boyfriend.

H/ Naked..? ;)

Kageyamas brain stopped. He read the text over, and over again. Yes. The innocent little Hinata Shoyo wondered if he was naked. He felt his heart beating faster in his chest and his breathing intensify in excitement. His thumbs danced a bit in the air before deciding what to write back.

K/ I'll be if you give me a reason...

His hands threw his phone away and Kageyama blushed madly, for that was the sexiest thing he had ever written. It was exciting and so unexpected, yet so exciting.

 

In Hinatas house, behind locked doors, Hinatas brain was unconsiously forcing blood to rush through his veins to his nipples, making them hard and pointy enough to stick out from his shirt.

He felt himself shiver from the feeling of getting undressed for a picture, in the middle of the day too! He slid his hands across his body slowly, feeling every part on his fingertips.

He laid on his back in the bed and unzipped his pants very slowly. The bulge hiding underneath was no secret, it was full blown and erect pointing towards the sky. There was no denying, and nothing could help him now.

Strong, and twice the size it usually is. It felt filled to the tip with power and screaming to without mercy stroking it and dragging it up and down at the speed of light.

He took his boxers off by sliding in a thumb below the belly button and pulling down towards his knees. The finest of erections showed itself and stood proudly up, touching the root of his stomach.

He took the phone and the front camera was already ready for him. Though the world wasn't, no one was ready for what he was about to do. He tried to fit his whole body into the selfie, which worked, him being the little size he is.

He grasped his penis and pulled the foreskin back revealing the head of it, threw his a sexy submissive face, bit his lip and took the picture.

It wasn't half bad, in fact, it was very good. Putting it in a message and sending it was the best part, it felt so wrong, yet it felt so right. It was like peeking under the chistmas tree as a child, knowing you shouldn't. But boy was it exciting.

Kageyama had bit into his wrist so hard that it had left a mark. Then when the phone buzzed again and he received the picture, nothing could stop it. It rose like a magnet upwards in his pants, like a reverse gravity. It itched against his jeans and beyond his own control, a hand went down there.

He watched upon his little boyfriend's body and yanked the foreskin like there was no tomorrow. He couldn't stop, there was not a single thought preventing him from doing it. He had seen his body before but it felt just as exciting the second time.

His body started to tense up, he felt an orgasm rising from his back bone. Already? That was fast... He thought. 

It was like a fluid filled his entire body to the top and as he twitched and turned struggling to keep up the speed, struggling to keep his hand with the phone in the air, struggling to keep it all in.

Until.

"Agh! Nah.. oh.. aaghh.. ahh.." everything all at once pouring out of him, out on the sheets.

"Damn it, how the hell do I cover this up?"


	15. Chapter fifteen - More Than One

"So they're dating huh?" Tanaka said while leaning against the door watching the couple practice. Kageyama tossing up and down with a ball in his hands and Hinata stretching beside him.

"Yeah, I always new Kageyama had a gay side. It shouldn't be a surprise to anybody. He's not that much of a bear but Hinata is definitely a twink, I bet he's the bottom too" Nishinoya spat receiving Tanakas confused face.

"Bear? Twink? What the hell are you on about?" Tanaka felt like he was in class and Noya-sensei just kept talking about stuff he had never heard of. As usual.

"Ya know, gay stereotypes"

"Gay stereotypes?"

"Yes, gay stereotypes"

"Why the hell would I know about gay stereotypes, I'm not gay" He gave Nishinoya a look that made him realize. 

"No I don't know I just, I just-" Nishinoya hesitated.

"Are you trying to say that YOU are gay?" Seriousness in his tone, very unusual for Tanaka.

"Actually I'm bi, come on laugh all you want" Noya admitted and turned away, this was the first time he had so forwardly come out to someone. Why did it feel so embarrassing?

"Oh, not at all, man. It's cool. I mean bi, right? That's. Cool." Tanaka looked confused, but not disgusted. Noya was pleasantly surprised.

"You have no idea what it means, do you?"

"Nope"

They looked at each other for a minute and then broke out in laughter, they laughed until they had to hold for their stomachs. Tanaka almost shed a tear.

"Quiet down, what's the fuzz about?" Dadichi.. Oh, I'm sorry, Daichi said and stepped in the conversation with Suga close behind.

"Nothing.." Noya giggled and tried to cool himself down.

"You too should be practicing, we have a match with Nekoma next week" Daichi glared at them.

"A what?!" Both exclaim and looked at each other. Their eyes sparkled and they both synchronized screamed "TRAINING CAMP BABY!"

"Keep it down will ya?" Daichi said again and did a motion with his hand.

"Well damn Noya, wanna roll sum thunder?" Tanaka said jokingly and looked at his trustful companion.

"Sure thing, let's go" And they both sprinted to the net. Tanaka got a ball on on the way.

 

\---

 

The days went on a usual. Everyone was excited to meet Nekoma again. In fact, Hinata was so excited he jumped up and hit his head in the door frame when he heard it.. poor thing..

Kageyama was also excited, you couldn't tell though because y'know, Kageyama is Kageyama. 

But he really enjoyed seeing Hinata like this, even though all his energy was annoying at times. It was still cute and Kageyama knew it for sure, he would never admit it but everyone figured it out because he blushed so much, do you blame him? Damn it, he can't help it..

Meeting Nekoma meant a new camp, a new camp meant roommates, roommates mean lots of gay se.. I mean sharing bed.. Of course. This Kageyama knew, and boy was he excited.

 

TIME SKIP TO WHEN THE BUS DEPARTS A WEEK LATER

 

"Everyone here?" Sugamama turned around in his seat in the front to count them all.

"Don't worry they all should be, the bus starts moving in three minutes." Daichi said and looked at the clock on his wrist.

"Ennoshita" Suga stood up and watched like an eagle over the bus.

"I-ron know, maybe he went pissin" Tanaka said in his most southern accent he could think of with his feet on the seat in front of him and half a pack of gum in his mouth. He did a perfectly coordinated handshake with Noya without even looking.

"Tanaka, sit properly" Suga commanded stone faced.

"Chill out, you're not my mom" Tanaka corrected himself in his seat and exchanged a relatable look with Noya.

In that second Ennoshita appeared in the door, all eyes on him. He seemed fired up and excited, though he looked calm as usual he had a different energy today.

"Good everyone's here, just in time" Suga says and sits down finally, he breaths out knowing everyone's safe.

Ennoshita walks to the end of the bus and sits beside Tsukishima, on the other side of Yamaguchi of course. Asahi noted this as weird. Ennoshita usually didn't hang out with Tsukishima what he knew. It's not a problem though, they seem to get along.

 

(Headcanon I saw on Tumblr once: Tsukkishima and Ennoshita are kinda childhood friends, they met in middle school in the dinosaur club, duh of course. Tsukkishima liked him because he was cool and calm, he felt like he could kinda trust him and talk about his feelings when he needed too and stuff like that whatever moving on)

 

"What were you doing? You almost missed the bus" Tsukishima put his earphones off of his ears and down on his neck.

"I had a date.." Ennoshita leaned closer and whispered in Tsukishimas ear, looking around concerned that anyone would hear him.

"With who?" Yamaguchi interrupts.

"You know this transfer student in our class, Jessica? Well, we've been going out for a while" Ennoshita was flustered, which is unusual for him. His teeth were grinding and he didn't make eye contact.

"Jessica huh? Congrats, I'm happy for you" Tsukkishima placed a hand on Ennoshitas shoulder and smiled a little.

"Sorry to ask, but are you going out with anyone? What's your orientation?" Ennoshita half smile a little nervous. They looked at each other for a while, Ennoshita knew Tsukkishima didn't prefer opening up about himself to just anybody. Though he took the risk to ask.

"Demisexual" Tsukkishima said short and broke eye contact, like it wasn't something important at all.

"Oh really? Who's the lucky girl?" Ennoshita leaned back in his seat and fetched a juice from his bag.

"I'm the lucky girl" Yamaguchi joined the conversation and held his hand up in the air and made a face so cute that Tsukkishima couldn't resist and he kissed his cheek.

"Oh cool, Yamaguchi, take care of him. He's my bro and if you hurt him.." Ennoshita warned.

"Don't worry, he's in safe hands" Yamaguchi looked at his lover with a captivating look in his eyes, Tsukkishima smiled a little and kissed him on the lips this time. "I take care of you in this relationship" he said in the air gaps between their lips and traced a finger across his jaw. Ennoshita realized he had triggered a make out session between the two.

No more talking about feelings for Ennoshita, he just sat there like a third wheel and watched them love each other more and more with each kiss.

'Well, we're about to roll soon anyway..' He thought and picked up a book and sipped his juice as the bus slowly started moving forward.


	16. Chapter sixteen - All Your Wives Must Die!

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes, we are"

"Really?"

"NO!"

Hinata bounced up and down in his seat like an eager child on Christmas, he could not wait to meet Nekoma again. He kept asking Kageyama the same question, only receiving the same answer.

"I just want to nap, is that too much to ask for?" Kageyama said annoyed and put earphones in his ears. Hinata actually settled down a bit but one can still feel his heavy breathing of excitement.

At last, the bus finally slows down and stops outside the camp. Hinata is first out.

"Hinata wait!" Daichi shouts when seeing his little crow galloping down the bus stairs and out on the concrete.

He runs around like he had been saving all that energy on the ride. Daichi kept an eye on him.. Or so he thought because as soon as he turned away to help carry a bag, he was gone. He dropped the bag leaving poor Tanaka under it (it was a huge bag) and went searching for him. Hinata was nowhere to be seen.

The warm air flowed into his lungs and was pushed out again. He loved the camp, it was like a tiny vacation to the woods. It smelled of trees and wilderness in the air and Hinata soared a little in every step he took, running towards the dorms.

He had been texting with Kenma ever since he got on the bus and he said he was already unpacking. No emojis. Hinata stopped for a second and caught his breath outside the door to Nekomas dormitory before knocking on it like a woodpecker. Kenma opened.

"Hinata, you're finally-" He got interrupted by Hinata's hugs, Kenma felt him breathing on his back.

"It's so good to be at camp again, I'm so excited!" Hinata tweeted and let go to jump around in circles. "It's been too long!"

"I missed it too, I missed you.." Kenma said still standing in the door watching Hinata chirp.

"I missed you too buddy" Hinata said and held up his fist. Kenma looked confused for a moment until he realized that he wanted a fist bump, Kuroo had taught him that and with a light touch on Hinatas knuckles, he gently bumped him.

Hinata invited himself into Nekomas dormitory and looked around, Kenma followed him. They found themselves in a long hallway of doors, at one end a kitchen and in the other a bathroom/showers and staff room.

"Eeyy! Shrimpo, what is he doing here?" Yamamoto came out of a room with a towel around his neck "You're on enemies territory, piss off!"

"Don't talk to him like that" Kenma snapped and an eyebrow twitched on his forehead.

"I MAY BE SHORT BUT I-"

"Yeah I know the drill kiddo, now, get out." Yamamoto said and slammed a door behind him.

"I'm sorry about that, he's been like that ever since we got here" Kenma said and itched his nose "Apparently some 'Nichole' dumped him. Anyways are you alright?" He turned to Hinata and touched his shoulder.

"I'm fine, I'm used to all the nicknames by now" He looked Kenma deep in the eyes "I'll focus on the people who like me and keep them close to me" scratching the back of his head and stepping away from Kenmas hand.

"Yeah, we can't help who we like right?" Kenma said slowly putting a strand of hair behind his ear.

"Speaking of which, Kageyama, I have to go. See ya at lunch!" Hinata said and was gone before Kenma could say anything else.

 

"Did you tell him?" Kuroo appeared suddenly behind Kenma. Kenma recognized his voice and instantly rolled his eyes.

"Shut up" Kenma took out his DS from a pocket in his pants.

"He better respond nicely, if I can't have you then he apparently can" Kuroo said with a sigh, Kenma knew. But Kuroo apparently loved to remind him.

"You know, I thought you would be angry when I turned you down..." Kenma said turning around to look at him.

"No, what? I want to help you, I want you to feel happy" Kuroo smiled. A painful smile.

 

 

\---

 

Hinata came trotting back to the parking lot where the bus had stopped before, but everyone had left. The bus was empty and not a single human or bag could be seen, even his own bag was gone. He decided to follow the voices he heard behind a corner and there he found his teammates dealing bags to each other.

Daichi welcomed him with a big hug and asked where he went, but Hinata was way too busy with finding his dorm. This was too exciting to stop and explain! He let the conversation end quickly and bounced into the dormitory. Kageyama met him in the door.

"Hey dumbass, what took you so long? Did you go shit in the forest?"

"Nice to meet you too Kageyama" Hinata rolled his eyes.

"Our room is first to the left" Kageyama said and pointed down the hallway.

"Our?" Hinata turned around and the first door to the left stood ajar. He went inside and was welcomed by the smell of a room that hasn't been used since last season. Holding his nose he opened a window and let fresh air flow inside.

Someone had put his bag on the bunk bed in the corner, on the bed at the top. 'I guess I'm sleeping here..' he thought and climbed up the tiny ladder.

"Hey! It's lunch!" Kageyama appeared in the door.

"Okay, do you know what smells in here?" Hinata asked and opened the window a bit more from what he could reach from the bed.

"What do you mean?" Kageyama tilted his head.

"It smells like nobody has been in here since last year" Hinata let go of his nose to take another sniff.

"That's probably true" Kageyama said and looked at the clock "The last one to arrive at lunch is a moldy volleyball!" He screamed suddenly and ran as fast as he could out of the house.

"Hey!" Hinata shouted and ran after him.

They sprinted towards the dining hall, even in speed it was impossible to tell who was the fastest. It ended with both of them arriving at the same time and Hinata tackling Kageyama so hard that he fell to the ground. Hinata climbed on top of him and shouted:

"Surrender! For I will kill all your wives!" in a faked play voice with an imaginary sword to the throat of his victim.

"Oh no! Anything but that!" Kageyama played with him and placed a hand on his forehead to act extra dramatic.

Both broke up in laughter and laughed so hard they had to hold their stomachs. Hinata dried a tear from his eyes with the side of his hand

After cooling down a bit, Hinata said "I will kill your wives Kageyama"

And Kageyama said "But I only have you" and kissed Hinata right on the lips.


	17. Chapter seventeen - My Heart's Too Big For My Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Mentions of anxiety and anxiety attacks, read with caution.  
> Thank you.

"Imma rollin' thunder their asses!" Noya shouted and whooped an imaginary ass in the air.

"It wouldn't hurt to use nice language for once" Daichi mumbled and reached for the rice across the table.

"You're not my mom!" Noya snapped back and crossed his arms.

"Hm?" Sugas head turned and he had a mouth full of rice.

Karasuno sat in the middle of the dining hall by the biggest table, like a big family gathering for dinner. Kageyama and Hinata sure were a bit late but they took places beside each other by the table without getting too much unwanted attention from the others.

"Which means you have to choose between Valor, Mystic, and Instinct but you can only do that when you reach level five" Tsukishima explained to Yamaguchi and pointed in his phone.

"What do all those mean? Where is Slytherin?" Yamaguchi said and giggled slightly, turning his head to the blonde.

"Slytherin? This ain't Harry Potter.." he took off his glasses and facepalmed deeply.

"I'm confused, I haven't played Pokemon since I was a little kid" Yams turned off his phone and placed it in his pocket in defeat "Remember when we use to play as actual Pokemon in the woods when we were little?" he rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Don't talk about it so loud" Tsukishima shrugged him off and looked down, but he did remember. It showed on the light shade of red his cheeks took.

Hinata was in the middle of shoving food in his mouth and chewing loudly. He received a soft punch on the shoulder by his boyfriend with a muffled "Slow down Sonic, geez"

"That's right! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!" Hinata said with food in his mouth and started humming the theme.

"Stop that, you're embarrassing yourself dumbass" Kageyama said and pushed him again. The little red head bounced back from the push and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. Kageyama didn't bother trying to stop him, their little secret is out anyway. 

He turned to Hinata and asked if he was done, where he got his answer in a nod from the smaller boy. They stood up and made their way out of the dining hall, Kageyama in the lead with his tiny boyfriend close behind him in a tight grip by the wrist.

The gym door slammed as the couple entered, it was completely empty. Perfect.

Kageyama didn't hesitate to slam Hinata against a wall, kabedon style.

"You know exactly what I like.." Hinata said and bit his lip, looking up at his boyfriend with big puppy dog eyes and a bit of innocence on top of a flirty wink.

"Of course I do, I know you and I love you" Kageyama said slowly in a low voice and leaned in closer "Just tell me if I'm doing something that upsets you-" he got even closer and was almost whispering, almost touching Hinatas ears with his lips "-and I'll stop.."

Hinata giggled, Kageyama backed away a little bit and smiled too. A real boyfriend smile. A smile only a true lover could have. A smile only Kageyama could have. Hinata knew he made Kageyama smile in a way he only did when he was truly happy, it made him feel special.

When he tilted his head, blushed a little and smiled so some of his teeth would show. That kind of smile made Hinata feel warm inside. Fuck butterflies, he had the whole damn zoo in his stomach and he would never wish to have it any other way.

"I love you, Tobio"

"I love the way you say my first name like that"

"To- Bi- yo-" The shorter boy reached further up with every syllable until he kissed Kageyama, sucking his bottom lip. Kageyama wasn't slow to speed up the pace, kissing back passionately.

Suddenly the door slammed behind them with a loud crash. "Shit" Kageyama worryingly turned his head eyed the door. Hinata looked confused.

"Someone saw us.." Kageyama muttered and clenched his teeth. Letting go of the smaller ginger.

"But the team already know, Kageyama it's fine-" Hinata said and fought for eye contact but didn't succeed.

"It wasn't someone on our team.."

 

 

\---

 

Kenma ran from the gym, tears streaming down his cheeks and his voice shaking from the sobbing. He saw everything. The look in his eyes, the look Kenma dreamed about. The look he gave Kageyama, just like a prince in a Disney movie. The happy ending.

Kenma ran faster, in hope that he somehow could outrun the tears. The heartbreaking reality. But it kept following him, like a shadow.

Hinata would never be his. He knew that but still, he was not ready to try and forget him. He couldn't. The way he looked at Kageyama so beautifully, like a scene from a movie, he would never look at Kenma that way and he knew that..

But..

Something kept him hooked. Something kept him hoping.. trying..

He knew the voice in his head very well saying Hello! Wake up! He is already in love and nothing can change that, you're just not good enough for him. Get over it!

But Kenma couldn't forget him. He didn't want to. Hinata was the only person to understand him, Kuroo tried but he never got as close as Hinata did. The only one who knows Kenma better than Hinata..

Is Anxiety itself..

Anxiety had his back and was always there to listen. Anxiety protected him from what was bad and gave him solutions, answers, avoidances. It forced Kenma to do all these things because no one understood him like Anxiety did. Anxiety had his full trust, and that made him blind. Anxiety was such a big part of him that he didn't recognize himself without it.

Heartbreak was only adding to the list o things he had to deal with without his consent. Like the pills weren't enough, they weren't working anyways so I guess it didn't matter.

'There's nothing you can do..'

There it is again..

'You always act like I'm not around..'

Why are you possessing me like this?!

'You aren't good enough for him.. You'll never be..'

What did I do to upset you?!

'You can try to escape.. But you'll always listen to me..'

Stop! Please!

'Because you're nothing without me..'

Kenmas head spun around at the speed of light, the voices in his heads made him feel dizzy. It was like drowning. Like having hands and feet tied up under water and not being able to do anything. Panic attacks could be triggered by anything and they're usually really bad, Kenma has bad blood circulation too, it could be dangerous.

The last thing he saw was the open door to the dormitory before he lost consciousness and fell hard to the cold, dew graced ground.


	18. Chapter eighteen - Love hurts

"Oh my god! Kenma!"

 

 

 

"Kenma!"

 

 

 

 

 

Kenma felt the paper beneath him, he was lying down in a hospital bed. His vision was blurry and he squinted his eyes to try and focus on the face belonging to the light voice.

"Kenma!"

"Yachi! Calm down he's awake" a soft voice from behind the light voice called and moved closer. Kenma noticed her long dark hair and before he knew she patted his cheeks, like she was suppose to slap them but really soft. Witch made Kenma awake.

He sat straight up in the bed and looked around confused.

"Oh he is" The light voice said and now Kenma really saw both their faces.

The light voiced girl was pretty short, had blonde hair and rose puffy cheeks. She was quite cute but not attractive to Kemna (the lil gay cat he is).

And the other one was taller, the soft voiced girl had also a very soft look to her. Her dark hair reached her sholder and she was wearing glasses. She was rather beautiful in a way Kenma could understand and appreciate.

The tall girl put a hand on Kenmas sholder and said with he soft, sweet voice;

"Are you feeling alright?"

Kenma felt even more confused and uncomfortable to wake up in a random room with two strangers. He probably looked very uncomfortable too because she looked serious and said

"Do you know who you are?"

"Yeah, I'm aware, Kenma. Who are you?" Kenma said awkwardly trying to figure out these mysterious creatures.

"My name is Kiyoko Shimizu, and this is Yachi" The tall girl said and led a hand towards the little girl.

"See, I found you outside the bunks and you were unconscious so I brought you here to check if you were okay. Have some juice" The little girl apparently name Yachi stepped forward with a juice box with grapes on it and handed it to Kenma. He took it and slowly started sipping without answering.

Kenma didn't like people. The tall girl appeared kind of intimidating. Her voice was soft and her looks were beautiful but something in her eyes alarmed Kenma, her strong gaze left a feeling in him that she didn't want to have anything to do with him.

"Are you like, hospital people?" Kenma tried but immediately regretted opening his mouth realizing how dumb he sounded.

"We're managers for Karasuno. We have been at multiple camps with Nekoma" Yachi explained and sat down next to Kenma "You really haven't seen us?"

"I don't recall" The blonde said and put his juice box on a table beside him. Still annoyed at the clearly unwanted guests with him, people in general did stress him the fuck out.

"Well, I'm fine now you can leave" Kenma tried but Yachi only moved a bit closer.

"Do you know why you passed out?" Yachi looked very serious yet kind at the same time, Kenma tolerated her.

"It's.. It's personal" Kenma avoided eye contact and fumbled with his hands, he could feel them getting sweaty from having to remember the anxiety attack earlier.

"Shimizu, do you mind?" Yachi turned to Kiyoko who got the hint and stepped outside.

"Please tell me, I could help" Yachi tried again and laid her hands around Kenmas shoulders but he flinched at the touch and pushed her away.

"That's what they all say! Therapists, doctors, mom and now you! You don't know me I don't trust you! It doesn't get better because you talk about it! They don't mean well.."

"They?"

"People, they don't mean well. I did nothing wrong and yet they intimidate me so much.." Kenmas eyes had turned blood shot from the sudden outburst, he now stood in the corner of the room glaring at poor Yachi.

"Kenma listen, I know you don't want to hear this but I totally understand-"

"You don't understand anything!"

"Kenma please.. Sit down" Yachi kept her calm and after a while Kenma did sit down beside her again.

"I know you'll hate me for this, and I don' blame you. But I use to be so shy" Yachi looked Kenma deep in the eyes, proving her point. "I always thought I had done something wrong, I always had that feeling that people didn't want me around and I always embarrassed myself"

"So..?" Kenma looked away.

"I felt like I wasn't important. even though no one had toughed me or spoken a word about me I still could always feel them staring at me. That was until a certain person came around" Yachi made Kenma look at her again, and this time he didn't react to her touching him.

"Who?" Kenma said hopefully.

"You know Shimizu, she tall girl who was with me in here?" Yachi looked dreamingly at Kiyoko who was still in sight thanks to a window in the emergency room. She leaned against the opposite wall from them and texted someone on her phone.

"Her?" Kenma questioned.

"Yep, she paid attention to me and she listened to me like no one else would. She became my best friend and soon my girlfriend. She could live with my crazy and she took the time to hear me out, she taught me so much." Yachi looked at Kenma again, this time with a genuine smile across her lips and hope in her eyes.

"I have someone like that too.." Kenma started, looking down in the floor again.

"Yeah?" Yachi swinged her legs under the bunk.

"Or well, I like him but he likes someone else" Kenmas sorrow in his voice was back and Yachi could tell.

"Is it someone I know?"

"It's Hinata okay?! And he like Kageyama and they make out and shit and there's nothing I can do about it!" Kenma kicked the table beside him and his grape juice package fell over but didn't spill anything.

"That's tough" Yachi sighed "Do you want me to call him here?"

"No?"

"I think you two have to talk this out" Yachi said and disappeared out the door before Kenma could further object.

He saw her outside the window exchanging a few words with Kiyoko before they both disappeared out of sight.

Great, now I have to see that jerk again. I don't even want to look at him. I can't take it. I'm such a wuss for having a fucking anxiety attack because of some random boy I like! I'm such a pain.. I'm such-

"Hey" Kenma heard the door opening and looked up. The stunning red hair and the sunshine smile lit up the intire room. It was like he saw it for the first time everytime, it was so beautiful..

"What are you doing here?" Kenma mumbled grumpy and turned away.

"Yachi told me you weren't feeling alright and that you wanted to talk to me" Hinata moved closer.

"I have nothing to say to you" Kenmas voice began to shake, he couldn't cry in front of Hinata.. He wouldn't let himself!

"Are you mad at me?" Hinata asked, slightly confused by his friends response.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's me" Kenma heard himself crying, he heard himself sobbing and his hands had whitened from cletching them too hard.

"What is going on?" Hinata sounded concerned, he sat beside Kenma and grabbed his shoulders.

"I'm in love with you Hinata!" Kenma almost shouted and sobbed. He looked so genuenily sad that Hinata pulled him in to a hug. "Ever since I first saw you that day, when you were lost and asked me for directions. Remember that?" Kenma sobbed.

"Of course I do" The ginger pushed away and looked him deep in the eyes.

"But you have Kageyama and there's nothing I can do, you're in love with him and you're happy" Kenma tried to look away again but Hinata caught his eye.

"That's right but, please don't be sad. There are going to be so many boys in your life Kenma-"

"No there isn't!" The blonde cut off "I don't like people, they disgust me and I've never felt attracted to anyone except you." Kenma cried out loud, witch wasn't something Kenma did often. He hated to cry infront of people.

"Just because I was your first crush doesn't mean I'll be your last" Hinata said comforting.

"I know! I get so worked up about things! I have so many problems and I know nobody cares! I hate them, and I hate you!" Kenmas eyes were just as red as the blood shooting from his nose.

"You got a nosebleed-"

"Yeah I noticed!" Kenma snapped and tried to wipe it of with the back of his hand.

"Kenma, look at me" Hinata said dead serious.

Kenma stood up and went to the other side of the small emergency room to get paper and wipe his nose again.

"Look at me!" Hinata shouted. It shocked Kenma how harsh he sounded, the sunshine smile was way gone. Kenma turned around and looked with empty eyes at his crush.

"You have to stop blaming yourself! I don't give a fuck what way you choose but you have to be kinder to yourself! Let yourself cry! Let yourself be mad, and please, ask for help if you need it." Hinata was almost in tears himself from seeing his friend like this, it brought him so much pain.

"I know! I can't even be nice to myself. How the hell am I gonna be nice to anyone else.."

"Oh for godness sake!" Hinata cut off and rushed up to the blonde and kissed him.

Kenma was so suprised, he just froze.  
Hinata smooth lips against his, he even forgot to close his eyes as the ginger kissed him.

There were so many emotions, he actually didn't know wether to laugh or cry.

In the corner of his eye he saw a certain raven.

A certain raven, with fire in his eyes. He were ready to kill. And Kenma sure as hell felt ready to die.


	19. Chapter nineteen - I Don't Deserve You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! MENTIONS OF SELF HARM!!! Foul language, mentions of suicide and heartbreak.  
> Proceed with caution.  
> Thank you.

Hunched over the bathroom sink, Kageyama couldn't stop the tears. What did he do?

 

What the fuck did he do to deserve this?

 

He looked at himself in the mirror. Blood shot eyes and puffy bags under them, disgusting. His snow pale skin felt soft as he swept over his forearm with his long fingers. The razor blade rested against the sink, it waited for him.

No.. no.. he couldn't.

"Kageyama..?" he heard a voice behind him. A familiar one, but he couldn't quite place it, still. Well, it didn't matter, the last thing he wanted right now was company.

"Go. Away." He groaned quietly and clenched his fists.

"Are you alright there?" The womanly voice came closer and Kageyama felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I said go awa-" He turned around violently and sees Kiyoko behind him.

"I know I'm not much of a talker, but, I know what you were about to do" Kiyoko leans against the wall behind her and crossed her arms.

"No you don't" was all Kageyama could answer and turned back to the sink.

"Look" Kiyoko walked up to him. At first he rejected her, but then she rolled up the sleeves of her big sweat-shirt. Kageyama closed his eyes at first, but he realized that she wouldn't leave his side and finally turned around.

He saw Kiyoko, her face stone cold as always. She had her arm stretched out in front of him, revealing a pale under-arm full of traces of tiny, red, cuts.

They were just scars now, faded scars. Daily reminders of what once had happened making her feel like the only way to feel less emotional pain, was to feel physical pain

"Oh no.." Kageyama looked at her with shock on his face, she didn't meet his eyes with her own. She looked down on her pale arm and stroked over the cuts gently.

"This was months ago. When I thought Yachi was dating that guy.." She still didn't lift her look from her arm.

"I felt so stupid for doing something like this for another person. I could've done it because my parents fought, or because one of my best friends killed himself, or because I'm too shy to make friends.." Kageyama saw her tearing up, her face still making no expression. But her emotion shone through, her cracking voice gave away as she tried so hard to hold back the tears.

"But no" she said "I did it because I thought that my teenage crush didn't love me back. I can't believe I was so stupid." Kiyoko started crying, putting her hand over her face to try and hide. A loud ugly cry, not like the one you'd expect from a beautiful lady such as Kiyoko.

Kageyama didn't know what to do. He sucked at this.

For a moment he forgot his own problems, he watched her break down in front of him and he actually felt like helping her. But he didn't know how.

He got closer to her and awkwardly patted her shoulder. "There..there" he said in an attempt to comfort her.

"The thing is, they weren't dating" she tried to contain herself and dried the tears with the back of her hand "She loved me, even back then. Even when she kissed him on truth or dare, even when they spooned, even when they had a sleep over. They were best friends. I should've known. I'm so stupid." She finally looked up at Kageyama with blood-shot eyes.

She knew.

Kageyama patted her shoulder again and gave her a determined look, he wanted to say thank you but the words didn't come out. He rushed out of the bathroom and all the way back to the nurse's office where Hinata sat and stared at the ground like he just saw a ghost or something, his hand covering his mouth.

He saw Yachi trying to cheer him up. He saw Hinata blowing his nose and sniffling like a little puppy, he was crying. Kenma was nowhere to be seen.

Kageyama burst into the room and met Hinatas remorseful eyes. Flying into his arms and was caught in up the moment and started crying as well.

"I'm.. I'm so sorry" Hinata cried in his chest, not even hugging back. He didn't deserve it.

"It's okay..shhh, it's okay, I'm here.." Kageyama patted his head and hugged him tighter.. he felt Hinatas little heart picking in his little chest and they both hugged each other for minutes...


	20. Chapter twenty - idfc

"I just got-" Hinata sobbed "-caught up in the moment and I panicked and I.."

"Stop" Kageyama stopped his boyfriend and he pushed a bit away from the hug and looked right at him.

"It's okay" He gazed deep into his boyfriends both eyes, reassuring him he was telling the truth.

"I saw how angry you got and.. and.. I'm sorry" Hinata looked down in shame.

"Baby, listen.. I was upset too but" He couldn't find the words. He had so much to say but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth.

"It's late we should go back to the dorm" Kageyama finally said and pulled him close again, feeling Hinata nodding against his chest. They sat there for, what felt like hours.

Kageyamas arm around his boyfriend, they walked through the night. A relationship with so much trust for one another, it's almost a bit suspicious. Hinata could betray him at any moment. But he knows he wouldn't, right? Kageyama is too blindly in love with him to know the difference. It's scary when you think about it.

"Hey, Kageyama?" Hinata looked up at him.

"Yes, sugar plum?"

"Thank you"

"I trust you Shoyo, you know I hate everyone but somehow, I tolerate you. That means something"

"I love you too Tobio" Hinata pulled the taller boy into a kiss. They kissed like they meant it, Hinata fucked up but at the end of the day, he truly loves Kageyama. Now he's is sure.

Hinata pulled him towards the door to the dormitory, but he hesitated for a moment.

"Wait, I need to do something first" Kageyama let go of Hinatas soft hand. "I'll be right back."

Hinata nodded and disappeared into the dormitory. Kageyama turned back out in the night. He headed towards Nekomas dormitory, he had someone he wanted to apologize to.

 

The light turned on by themselves as he went inside. The door was open due to the warm temperature, even in the night it was so warm and humid in the air, you could go with a t-shirt on and not feel cold.

Which room was Kenmas? The hallway was empty and almost spooky at this time in the night. He gently pushed open a door to his left. He saw Levs back and his hand full of cards, not Kenmas room.

Next room was Yakus, he was washing uniforms and hanging them to dry on a line from the top of the bunk bed to the wardrobe. He met eyes with Kageyama and he spat out a quiet "What are you doing here?"

"Do you know where Kenma is?" Kageyama almost whispered back.

"Second last dorm to the left" He folded a shirt over his arm "But he's upset, I think you've done enough already" Kageyama was already out in the hallway before Yaku could finish his sentence.

Before his door. Suddenly Kageyama felt nervous, but he swallowed and knocked on the door twice. A few seconds later Kuroo opened and gave him a dirty look.  
"You've done enough" he slammed the door in his face. Kageyama had heard that too many times now, two out loud and almost a million times in his head.

"I'm here to apologize" Kageyama breathed out and knocked again.  
He heard a muffled "let him in" from inside and Kuroo opened the door again, same dirty look on his face but stepping aside this time.

Kenma sat in the bottom bunk hugging his knees, blood-shot eyes with bags under them, he looked like he had been crying all evening. He looked up at Kageyama with emptiness in his eyes. He looked horrible.

"Heey, Kenma, how're you holding up?" clearly unsure of how to handle the situation Kageyama approached the blonde boy. Kuroo wanted to step in so badly, Kageyama felt him glaring in his neck.

"I'm uh.. I'm fine..?" Kenma said into his knees. He didn't want to talk to Kageyama at all, Kageyama was probably the last person he wanted to talk with right now.

"Listen, I'm sorry for staring at you like that. I just, I got overly protective and, I love Hinata and-"

"I know!" Kenma shouted and both Kageyama and Kuroo froze, shocked. "I know you do and I'm just stupid!" He began crying again and he couldn't hold it back even if he tried. His face muscles were so tired they gave in to the bawl.

"You're not stupid-"

"Just because you're boyfriends doesn't mean it doesn't hurt! You have no idea what it's like to see someone you love with another guy!" Kenma hid his face in his hands, his whole body twitching as he sobbed.

Kageyama couldn't get a word out.

"I'm tired of him being so pretty and perfect and I just fall in love with him more and more every day! I'm so sick of chasing something I can't have!" He just let all his walls fall and spoke without boundaries. Kenma would never be this open and straight forward otherwise. It really wasn't like him.

"Say Kageyama.." Kenma turned to Kageyama and looked him deep in his blueberry eyes. A look of true heart-broken pain. 

"What is it like to have everything you've always wanted..?"

 

idfc - Blackbear


	21. Chapter twetny one - Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!! SELF HARM TRIGGER!!! If you have experienced self-harm or are easily affected, please stay safe and don't read this chapter. SKIP TO THE NEXT BIG TEXT.  
> I love you all very very much. Thank you <3

*flashback one year ago*

 

Kenma sat in his room, alone, succumbing to this empty feeling he knew far too well. Depression is something you get used to in a way, but you never really accept it. Every time it consumes you it feels like the first time. Maybe because you fall deeper. Sink lower. You can see the surface but it's so far away, why even bother swimming up for air?

Looking over his legs and stroking them gently, from the knee up the scars went crossing each other. Just where the shorts ended they begun and went all up his thigh. They've all healed. They're nothing but light red marks on his legs now. A permanent signature of a horrible memory. Hidden under clothes but always with him. Constantly reminding him of those nights..

He shutters just to think about it..

 

He hasn't cut for a whole month now, he's been good. But it doesn't mean the pain has left. The stinging pain from the cuts, yes, but he still feels this emptiness inside. That hasn't changed. That never changed. 

(SKIP TO HERE)

He reached out his slender arm and grabbed his trustful ukulele, he secretly likes singing his feelings but if anyone knew he would deny it. 

One song he knew by heart that always made him feel seen, he felt like the writer understood him and he wasn't alone in this big cruel fucking world. He cleared his throat and placed the fingers on the strings.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice.

Dug my way out, blood and fire.

He felt the tears creeping up behind his eyelids, but he wasn't going to let them win. Hoarse and shaking voice he continued.

Bad decisions. that's alright.

Welcome to my silly life.

Almost cracking, he sang. He wasn't going to cry today, no way.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No way, it's all good'

It didn't slow me down.

Mistaken, always second guessing.

Underestimated, look I'm still around.

 

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel.

Like you're less than, fucking perfect.

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel.

Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.

 

You're so mean, so mean when you talk.

About yourself. You were wrong.

Change the voices, change the voices in your head.

Make them like you instead.

So complicated.

Look how we all make it.

Filled with so much hatred.

Such a tired game.

It's enough, I've done all I could think of.

Chased down all my demons.

I've seen you do the same.

 

Pretty, pretty, please, don't you ever, ever feel.

Like you're less than fucking perfect.

Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel.

Like you're nothing. You're fucking perfect to me.

 

At this point, the tears couldn't be stopped anymore. Kenma broke down, sitting in his room on his floor. Breaking the song that was fading into sobs anyway. He drove himself over the edge and thought it was just him sitting down with a ukulele in his lap it felt like the whole world around him had fallen into pieces and disappeared. Tomorrow wasn't going to happen.

 

Tomorrow wasn't going to happen..

 

Toxic thoughts spreading like a virus in his brain, infecting anything and everything and he just wanted to get it out of his body! He almost wished his brain could just throw up so he would get rid of it! He didn't know what it was but he had to get away. It was like a small room getting smaller and smaller and he couldn't find a door.

-

He heard his phone ring in the distance but turned it off immediately.

It rang a second time and he threw it across the room.

It rang a third time and Kenma finally decided to answer. Crawling to get it, he swiped right on the green circle on the screen, putting it to his ear but not saying a word.

 

"Hey, Kenma are you okay..?" A familiar voice said.

"It's Kuroo.. I've been trying to contact you but you won't answer my texts, and.. usually when you don't answer my texts something is the matter" Kuroos low husky voice echoed in his ears.

"I'm.." Kenma swallowed "I'm fine."

"There it is.. the "fine" Kenma I know you're not fine!" Kuroo sounded crucial yet concerned.

"You can't just assume that!" Kenma spoke quietly so his fragile voice wouldn't break. "Just because I'm not answering doesn't mean I'm depressed!" He bellowed into the phone with no real reason.

"I'm sorry for checking up on you.." Kuroo was more shocked than offended, really. "I'm just worried about-"

"Yes! Everyone is worried about me but do you try and do something about it? No! All you have to say it that it's gonna get better but it never does!"

"Well, I can't just make it go away like magic!" Kuroos volume increased as well but he was really careful not to scream at him.

"I hate you!" Kenmas voice broke.. god damnit..

"You don't hate me"

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

"Kenma, you're not making sense"

"Nothing is making sense! I'm crying because I'm weak and I don't deserve this! No one understands me! All you do is wish me the best like what the hell am I suppose to do with that?!" 

"Hey, calm down now"

"Fuck you! I hate you! You're telling me to calm down?! Are you fucking serious?!!" Kenma bawled into the phone and tired to dry his wet cheeks with the back of his hand, only for it to be wet again with new tears. He sobbed and shook. He shouldn't have said that..

He shouldn't have said that..

You shouldn't have said that..

You screamed at the only friend you have.. Now he won't like you anymore.. now it's just you and your games again.. just like old times..

Do you remember you lonely childhood? Do you remember thinking you were an outcast? Do you remember your first anxiety attack? Do you remember .. me?

 

 

 

"Kenma!"

 

"What? .. What do you want?" Tired of everything, tired of being completely and utterly hopeless.

"Take a deep breath.." He heard Kuroo inhale and exhale through the phone. "Look, I know you don't want to hear this but, this is just your mind playing games with you" Kuroo sounded so gentle, almost soft. Even thought just been screamed at.

"Do you want me to come over?" 

"I just.. *sob* I don't want to be alone" Kenma almost whispered. He hated to admit it, but, if anything, he wanted Kuroo to be there with him right now.

Kuroo was already out the door. He stayed with Kenma on the phone the whole way there. Kuroo wandered those lonely dark roads, almost getting lost in the night. Kenma hugged a pillow tight against his stomach and he wasn't going to let go.

Kuroo made a turn to Kenmas street. He had barely seen the place at night, well there was that one time..

They were having a sleep over about a year ago at Kenmas place, and Kuroo had forgotten his phone charger so he went out by himself to grab it quickly and then got lost. He called Kenma to go out and look for him but then Kenma got lost as well. When they finally found each other the had trouble fining their way home again.

That is just one of all the wonderful memories they share...

 

Kuroo stepped up to Kenmas door, Kenmas was already there to open it. When Kuroo saw Kenmas blood shot eyes and puffy red face he put his phone down and opened his arms. Kenma flew into the hug and squeezed tight.

"Kuroo..?"

"Yes, Kenma?"

 

"Thank you"


	22. Chapter twenty two - Adults

"Sorry for getting upset, none of this would've happened if I would've just .." Kenma shook his head, not meeting Kageyamas look.

"I'm very bad at this, but I came here to apologize too.." Kageyama said and suddenly didn't know where to put his hands. "I can't say that I know what you've been through because I don't know what you've been through.."

"It's okay, I overreacted" Kenma put his legs down, he was now sitting normally. It felt weird seeing him sit normally, Kageyama couldn't recall ever seeing him sit like that.

"I have to admit though, I barely know what it's like to have what I want for once.." Kageyama scooted closer. "Hinata is a blessing" A tear rolled down Kenmas cheek as Kageyama spoke. "He is probably the best thing about me"

"You're not helping" Kuroo implied.

"Let him finish" Kenma said and closed his eyes.

"I know what it feels like to long for something and not resting until you have it. I know what it feels like to feel empty without it. Like you're not yourself without it. Like you don't belong, and I feel for you. I really do"

"Yes?" Kenma was growing impatient, he knew his feelings and he didn't want to be reminded. 

"You seem like a nice guy, Kenma" Kageyama genuinely didn't know how to save this, brain, quick, think of good things to say! 

"I wish I could help you.."

"Are you done?" Kenma finally looked him in the face, that look was saying everything. Kenma was tired of Kegyamas existence right now. The air was so tense you could almost touch it.

"Yes! Um, have a good night" Kageyama rose up and just realized what he said. It sounded so much better in his head! 

Kuroo opened the door for him and glared right through his soul all the way out. Kageyama was feeling very uncomfortable, but in a way he kinda deserved it. His death glare from earlier was not to play with.

 

\---

 

The night was almost morning, Kageyama realized he has no idea what time it was. The grass was cold and wet against the thin fabric of his shoes. Completely still, the camp laid in peace and the sound of crickets and frogs filled the air. A deep 'hoo' could also be heard from an owl in the distance. It felt almost a little spooky.

"Well, that could've gone a lot better..." Kageyama thought to himself. Karasunos dormitory was completely dark except for one window who shone a yellow light onto the grass. A tiny window in the top right corner, the window to the bathroom.

Kageyama stepped inside the dormitory, leaving his dirty shoes at the door. The lights reacted to his movements and flickered on. Tanakas and Nishinoyas room was the only one with the door slightly agape, Takana snored loudly and it almost echoed out in the hallway. There was one other sound that could be heard, but Kageyama could quite place it.

Like a muffled noise, like people moving, grunting and breathing fast. Could it be?

Every step closer to the bathroom felt, wrong, inappropriate. Moans and quiet laughter, followed by a 'schh' and more giggling. It really sounded like what ever was going on in there wasn't meant for more than four eyes. But curiosity got the best of him and..

The door slid open, Daichi ran some water on his hands and tried to look innocent while Suga sat on the sink, completely frozen. Kageyama locked eyes with Suga, they stared at each other for a while.

"He, heeyy, Kageyama, what the fuck are you doing here?" Daichi pretended like he just noticed him as he turned around and smiled. Instantly getting a hit from Suga in the back and a glare that had 'don't use language like that with the kids!' written all over it. Suga crossed his legs and awkwardly placed his hands on them.

"What time is it?" Yet another sentence that sounded way better in Kageyama's head. Daichi took his phone out of his pocket and pressed a button on the side. 

".. Three forty-five. It's late, we should go"

Receiving another hit and a whisper from Suga, looking down at himself and back up into Daichis eyes. Still not being able to say anything to Kageyama.

"You should go." Daichi said at last and Kageyama got the hint. "On my way!" he sighed and closed the door behind him.

What did he just witness? Both men were still fully clothed and Suga was on the sink.. 

Then it hit him. 

Kageyama turned red and put a hand over his face. He mouthed Oh my god! silently and looked back over his shoulder. No noises could be heard, maybe they were still waiting for him to leave. Then leave he will! Kageyama hurried through the hallway back to his dorm and tried to forget what he just saw.

Opening the door carefully to his dorm to try and not wake Hinata up. A Kageyama shaped shadow fell on the bunk before him. Hinata slept in the top bunk and nothing but a little tuft of bright red hair and parts of his feet could be seen. Kageyama smiled to himself and climbed up the tiny ladder to get a better look at him. 

Facing the wall, Hinata made tiny snores and Kageyama watched his chest rise and fall. He couldn't see his face too well so, carefully, he tried to scoot closer without waking Hinata up.

He failed.

Hinatas eyes opened and his head rose from the pillow. "..Kageyama..?"

"Hey" was all Kageyama could get out of his mouth.

"You took your time.." Hinata let his head fall back into place, he was too tired to even care right now.

"I love you" Kageyama kissed Hinatas hip over the covers.

"I love you too" Hinata looked down at him and smiled "Now go the fuck to sleep"

Kageyama couldn't hold it in, he started laughing and tried to keep quiet by placing a hand over his mouth. "I'm serious, it's like four AM" Hinata giggled with him. Kageyama reached over the smaller boy and kissed his cheek, Hinata cupped his boyfriends face in response as a sign of equilateral love. Then, Kageyama finally climbed down the small ladder, got undressed and fell asleep in his bottom bunk.

 

"You're right," he thought "You are probably the best thing about me.."


	23. Chapter twenty three - One hell of a night

Matches, training, volleyball, volleyball! Unending love for not only the sport, but everything surrounding it. Friends, loved ones, rivals. Family and supporters. Arenas full of people, shouting our names. Sweat, bruises, water bottles, rolled ankles and broken fingers. Many people want to climb to the top. Many people want to be like us until they see what it takes. But going through all of this has made me stronger, I wouldn't change it if I could.

 

I'm just waiting for that one day, when I'll wake up, and I've imagined all this.

I'll wake up and all this was a dream.

 

I'll wake up, and I never convinced my friends in middle school to play volleyball with me, I never played against Kageyama that one time long ago in the tournament. I never attended Karasuno high school and, I never got to know all of these wonderful people I know today.

I never got to meet Kageyama and we never started going out. I never met Kenma, that time I got lost. Kenma never fell in love with me and Kenma never got depressed. Kenma never tried to jump..

I bet he's thought about this too, Kenma.

What if he never met me?

What if I never became the decoy of the team? I would've never seen Kageyama develop the way he does. I would've never learned these things about myself, how I cope with pain and how I handle love. I can't think of myself without him. Oh Kageyama, sometimes I love him so much it hurts. I can't imagine what it must be like for Kenma.. Oh Kenma..

 

After having his boyfriend kiss him good night, Hinata slept for a good three hours before he woke up again. This time at sunrise. Usually, he could control these thoughts, they visited in his head every once in a while. Not anxiety, not self-deprecating thoughts, just very existential thoughts. 

Not saying they were pleasant, in the middle of the night at least they were just bothering. Hinata turned the pillow to the cold side and tried to fall asleep once again.

 

The morning after that eventful night, at the breakfast table nothing was out of the ordinary. Sugawara and Daichi seemed moderately uncomfortable, eyeing Kageyama like he'd seen something he wasn't supposed to see. They whispered to each other and tried to act normal.

Nekoma were already in the breakfast hall when Karasuno arrived, most of them had finished their meal and left, but not all of them. 

Kenma sat furthest away from them, he was also quiet, but another kind of quiet. I saw Kuroo try to make him eat. Kenma refused. He didn't even lift his look from his lap to make eye contact with anyone at the table. He looked miserable. God, I wish there was something I could do. I feel somehow, guilty.

 

Nishinoya reached over Hinata for the butter. "Excuuuse me!" barely grabbing the package of butter, taking up all of Hinatas personal space.

Halfway through the breakfast, Kageyama stumbled in with the worst bedhead of the century. Even Akashi couldn't resist giggling a bit. Of course, Kageyama got defensive about it. You could see the dark circles under his eyes. He didn't seem to have slept very well.

Come to think about it, no one at the table looked very well. Almost everybody had dark circles under their eyes and the energy was at least half its usual level.

Suddenly, Daichi cleared his throat the only way he knew how; very loudly.

"Everyone in the dining hall!" He said with a demanding coach-like voice. "Tonight after dinner, I and a few others will be going down to a karaoke bar in town!" Even the remaining Nekoma's and some Fukurodani's stopped what they were doing and listened.

"The bus leaves at 18.49, meet me and Suga at the bus stop at 18.30! That is 18.30 on the dot, everybody!" Making cups around his mouth so the whole diner could hear, then he sat himself down again. Silence followed, but soon enough, the volume returned to normal.

 

"My, my, seems like a splendid idea to spend the evening!" Oikawa Toru exclaimed from the door.

"If you aren't gonna sing Bubblegum Bitch, I'm disappointed" Iwaizumi said behind him and pushed Oikaways head. The two of them and a few others from Aoba Johsai entered the diner.

"So what if I am?!" Oikawa stated, a little offended by how predictable he appeared.

"Do you really want to join the dudes from Karasuno? You're making friends with the enemy, dude" Kindachi spat and pushed himself to the front of the tiny group.

"Well, you know what they say.." Oikawa smirked.

"Oh no.." Iwaizumi sighed, he knew Oikawa too damn well.

 

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"


	24. Chapter Tewnty Five - Take Me Out

"Hey, Kenma" Kuroo approached the blonde with a relaxed grin. He sat with his PSP on a bench outside the gym. You could hear people practice inside, the gym was available for anyone on campus at any time after all.

"I heard you were interested in accompanying those Karasuno guys to karaoke this evening?" The raven leaned against a wall behind him. The shorter boys attention was caught up in his PSP, I doubt he even heard what he said.

"Kenmaaa!" Waving a hand between his face and the screen, Kuroo finally got his attention.

"What do you want?" Kenma gave him a dirty look before returning to the game.

"What do you want?" Kuroo sat down beside him. "Karaoke maybe?"

"Don't feel like it"

"Come on! It'll be fun! You can sing that song you like.."

"Which one..?"

"You know what I mean"

"Is this your way of asking me to hang out with you? You suck, Kuroo" Kenma finally paused the game and put it away, receiving a laugh from Kuroo at the mocking.

"I'm serious, you need to get out a little" Kuroo reached for Kenma's hands, Kenma took them and stood up.

"You're starting to sound like my mom" Sighed Kenma.

"And, Bokuto's coming tonight!"

"So?" Kenma questioned. Bokuto is Kuroo's friend after all, not Kenma's. "Why didn't he come together with his team?"

"Family trouble" Kuroo said short.

"Don't you want to stay here and play with him tonight then?" Kenma let go and made a clicking noise with his tongue, saying he was done with Kuroo's shit right now.

"No, I.." Turning after the blond trying to escape "I can play with him another time, what does that even mean..?"

"Play with his butthole for all I care!" From a bit far away Kenma spoke now, but Kuroo wasn't slow to catch up.

"Kenmaaa!" Like a large angry child, Kuroo stomped after his friend.

"If you wanna play so much, how about we stay inside" Kenma finally turned around to meet his giant baby of a friend. He positioned Kuroos arms, placing himself into a hug "We can play video games all night long.. Just you and me, yeah?" 

Kenma knew Kuroos buttons and wasn't afraid to push them. A little bit of body contact and a soft voice and Kuroo was right around his little finger. Maybe it was a little cruel of him to use his friend having a crush on him to his advantage, but if there was a list of things Kenma absolutely did not want to do...

Seeing Kageyama and Hinata singing sweet love songs to each other while everybody else watched, had to be very high on that list.

"Kenma, I am not falling for that again!" pushing away his crush, Kuroo actually got a little annoyed. How dare he exploit him like this?

"But, seriously. I don't want to go!" Looking his friend in the eyes, assuring him he was telling the truth. "Maybe you've forgotten but, I'm not a big fan of buses.."

That was true. Kenma didn't like buses. He hated buses. Despised them even. Traveling with a lot of people, like on a bus or a train was just the worst! He almost didn't make it on the damn bus to the camp! And late at night? Kuroo had to be out of his mind!

"I know I'm not the one to tell you this, but you have to face your fears at some point. Remember what the therapist said!" Caging the smaller blonde in with his long arms, Kuroo squeezed tight.

"You don't know what my therapist said.." Breaking out from the raven grip, Kenma looked Kuroo in the eyes.

".. I may not, but I'm sure he knows what he's talking about!"

"That's it, I'm done" Kenma lifted his hands above his head in defeat. He started walking towards the dorms, hopefully for the last time if Kuroo didn't stop him again!

"Kenma! Where are you going?" Kuroo's voice sounded like he had almost given up a little bit too, Kenma heard him over his shoulder.

"I'm going to change, stop bugging me! You should too, practice in 15 minutes" Kenma stated and pulled his phone out of his pocket to reassure the time he'd stated was correct. He put it back in his jeans and turned into the dormitory.

"I'll be waiting at the bus stop tonight if you change your mind!"

 

\---

 

Cold Slurpees and brain freezes. Nothing says camp like cold Slurpees and brain freezes. Even into the night, the compact drink could and would be enjoyed by many players. Hinata and Nishinoya shared a favorite, apple. Sugawara and Tanaka liked strawberry the best, and Tsukishima and Daichi love grape! To everyone's surprise, Kageyama actually likes bubblegum the best. Enoshita thinks it tastes like melted sugar, in a bad way.

Matches were starting tomorrow, everyone's hyped. You could feel the tension in the air. Some giving dirty looks to their opponents, some making friends with them. The gym was almost always full with people, comrades and rivals, friends and foes.

Hours came and went, balls flew and bruises and black eyes were in the making. Every other person had a dark marking somewhere on their body. Yamaguchi scored one "right in the money maker" Tsukishima joked, his face that is. His entire cheekbone turned purple! He sat with a package of frozen peas in his face for the rest of the day.

"Okay T-Rex, hickey-face, you wanna go to the karaoke tonight?! Tanaka came up to the couple and put on a silly facade.

"Clever, aren't you.." Tsukishima looked him up and down. "Yeah, we're going"

"Good," Tanaka ran out of things to say, suddenly his hands couldn't find a place to belong.

"The rest will be waiting at the bus stop at.. six something.." Yamaguchi said and tried hard to remember what Daichi had shouted out in the diner earlier.

"I promised to meet up with Kuroo and Kenma before though," Giving the clock on his wrist a quick glance, Tsukishima put his hands in his pockets and looked back at Tanaka. Wondering what he still did here.

"I guess I'll see ya'll at the bus stop at six something then..!" Tanaka felt the blondes intimidating gaze right into his soul. Turning in his step, Tanaka was soon out of sight.

 

"There, I said what you wanted me to say" Behind the corner of Fukurodani's dormitory, close to the dining area, Tanaka returned to Kuroo who had been listening in on the conversation just had with Tskushima and Yamaguchi.

"Well..!?" Waving his hands around, Kuroo grew impatient for an answer.

"Oh yeah, they're totally going" Tanaka played his forgetfulness off cool, he kicked a rock on the ground and tried to look casual.

"Together?" Kuroo cussed under his breath. "We need to find a way to separate them if my plan if going to work.."

"Wow wow wow, plan? Now, what exactly are you planning to do?"

"I need to get Tsukishima alone.." Kuroo gave Tanaka a look which meant what he was saying was obvious. "So I can make a move..!" Feeling a little stupid, Tanaka finally got the hint.

"Oooohh! You LIKE him!" Tanaka exclaimed. Kuroo facepalmed. "But, hold up. Don't you like Kenma?"

"Yeah, I guess I still do. A little bit." Sighing deeply, Kuroo hated to admit it, he continued. "But I really need to get over him and move on! As much as it hurts, we are better off as friends.."

"Yikes! I.. uh.. I feel for you buddy" A little unsure of how to handle the situation, Tanaka gave the taller boy a soft punch on the shoulder. "Everyone's gay out here all of a sudden.."

"What?"

"What?"

 

Having your heart torn is tough, really tough. Though Tanaka has only ever really been in love with Kiyoko, he has had many small crushes on other girls. But not on any boys from what he could recall. It felt like everyone's coming out saying they like boys all of a sudden!

First Nishinoya, but he likes both. Then suddenly everyone's a couple! Suga and Daichi, Kageyama and Hinata, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima..

Shit! Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are a couple! Tanaka had totally forgotten about that, but now felt like a bad time to break the news. Kuroo better have thick skin and an elastic heart to want to chase after yet another boy with someone else in mind. Tanaka felt a little bad for him.


	25. Chapter Twenty Five - Bubbelgum Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know it was coming folks, you know it was coming..

Almost a whole volleyball team worth of people sat on the bus at 18:30 that evening. Maybe even a few more. Even so, there were people from many different teams, only a few hand-picked from each one.

Some from Aoba Johsai, including Oikawa and Iwaizumi. A handful of Fukurudani's and very few from Nekoma. Of course, all of Karasuno filled up the rest of the bus.

It felt nice coming out of the camping area for a little bit. Though people were rivals, many players from different teams were talking to each other! Fukurodanis's and Nekomas were playing cards and laughing. Aoba Johsai's were having cheerful conversations with each other. The whole bus was filled with positive vibes. Only one Nekoma sat quiet, you can guess who that was.

"Heyo!" Tanaka elbowed Daichi, sitting next to him, in the side. Daichi looked at him like it must've hurt, but didn't say anything. "Daichi. Are we there yet?"

A loud sigh could be heard. "About 10 minutes left, you've asked me about ten times already!"

"Are you alright?" Suga joined the conversation from behind. "You did eat, didn't you?" Placing his elbows on the seat in front of him where Daichi sat next to Tanaka.

"Yes I did, I'm just a little tired.." Looking up behind him at his boyfriend.

"Nothing a little kiss won't fi-"

"Alright enough!" Tanaka cut off, receiving surprised looks from both of the loving couple. "We get it, you're gay! Quit rubbing it in my face, man." Taking a big bite of a nutbar Tanaka had packed in his bag, he finally fell silent.

Silence broke out between the three of them. All the others on the bus were still talking and making noise, but suddenly the voices seemed so distant. Sure, Tanaka could crack inappropriate jokes from time to time. But this? This was just... inappropriate.

Nishinoya sat in front of them and was alerted by the noise, his head appeared between the seats as he pressed his face close enough to see almost all of them. "Dude.." Giving Tanaka a sharp look. "What the hell is up with you lately?"

More silence. Tanaka somehow still didn't realize what he has said. "Can I find one straight dude out here, or what?" rolling his eyes and leaning against the window. Suga and Daichi looked at each other. Nishinoya looked at both of them. They wanted to confirm what had actually happened, did Tanaka say that just now?!?!

"Since when do you have problems with gays?" Nishinoya finally squeezed out. Suga looked like he wanted to say something, like he wanted to tell him how wrong he was, but he just couldn't seem to find the words.

"It's just that..." Tanaka fell silent for a moment longer. "I haven't been able to talk to anyone about girls! You know! Man's gotta do what a man's gotta d-"

"No no no, wait, hold on" Suga finally exclaimed. "You're frustrated because you haven't objectified a girl in almost 24 hours?"

"I don't objectify them! I treat women with respect, y'know, gotta make her feel beautiful. I fulfill her needs, and she fulfills mine" Tongue wiggling out of Tanakas mouth, he got his point across, sure.

"Then why don't you respect boys the same?" Nishinoya left his tight squeeze between the seats and put his elbows on the seat just like Suga.

That was a great question. Suga gave him an agreeing look, like that was what he was trying to say all this time. "Is there such a difference?"

"Dude, don't play dumb-"

"Isn't that the karaoke bar?" A foreign voice interrupted. Indeed, the bus gently stopped by a street not far away from a neon sign that said KARAOKE in swirly letters. Guess that conversation was over. Everybody got off the bus and gathered in a big herd on the street.

Daichi took the lead and steered all of the volleyball players towards the neon sign at the end of the street, Hinata bounced a little before the rest of them. Kageyama wasn't slow to keep up. That bus ride really didn't do well for his bouncy legs.

The Karaoke bar grew closer, Hinata lost the jump in his step. He had been keeping a straight about this whole situation. Maybe it was a little cruel on him to turn the other cheek to his clearly broken friend. But that was about to change, right here, right now.

Paying for a "party room" at the Karaoke, after a little big of waiting, the biggest room was finally available. It was cramped, almost fifteen people in a room for ten. Daichi started to sweat a little bit, not only because it was warm in there and the ventilation seemed to be broken, but also because they had a tight schedule and if everyone where to sing a song each, they'd be here all night.

Everybody sat down, except for a tall brown haired certain someone in a bright blue and white uniform. "Ah, well, I guess I'll go first" Most of Aoba rolled their eyes, but the others tried to keep a straight face. Oikawa emerged from the crowd and pranced up to the Karaoke machine, humming lightly.

They all knew what was to come.

"..Five bucks on Brittney" Nishinoya whispered to Ahasi, he nodded.

Drums and guitar blasted out in the speakers, everyone knew what was to come yet they all held their breath. Oikawa inhailed.


	26. Chapter Twenty Six - That was about me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the iwaoi lapdance you all craved, go, fetch

"Got a figure like a pin-up got a figure like a doll!" Oikawa sang with a smirk. "Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all!" especially looking at Iwaizumi at that lyric.

Oikaway had the time of his life, he sang and danced and seemed to have a choreography trained in which he performed like a real popstar! Many whispers, especially between Noya and Asahi, were about how comfortable he looked in front of all these people. "Guess you owe me five bucks, but I'm as surprised as you are.."

And they were right, this was what Oikawa liked more than anything in the world, besides maybe volleyball. Attention.

"So pull me closer, and kiss me hard, I'm gonna pop your bubblegum heart" it almost suggested that this was a serenade to Iwa, because he had 100% of Oikawa's attention. Iwaizumi looked a little uncomfortable, but mostly he was done with Oikawas attitude. Always so extra, would it kill him to be normal for just one day? He wore this stone face that looked bothered but also casual. If it would be physically possible to stop a blush, Iwa would have used that ability right about now.

"Oh dear diary, I met a boy.." Now Oikawa had come down from the tiny stage that was placed in the center of the room, he climbed down and got closer and closer to Iwaizumi. "He made my doll heart fill up with joy.." 

"Is he doing what I think he's doing?" Nishinoya mumbled, Asahi once again nodded. Oikawa was dancing and prancing, closer and closer until he sat himself down right in Iwaizumi's lap.

"I'm Miss Sugar Pink Liquor-Liquor Lips! Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss!" Did this turn into a lap dance? It just might.. Oikawa stood up again and took Iwa's hand and lifted up his shirt a bit to grace it over his own stomach. The rest of Aoba Jousai cheered and clapped.

Karasuno and the rest just sat there, stunned. Some were flustered but most of them were only a little surprised. That Oikawa would something like this in front of everyone, well, we are talking about the Oikawa here. When you think about it it's not that shocking. 

The tall brunette stood up, did a slight touch on the knee and then sat right back down in Iwaizumi's lap, facing the other way. From out of nowhere, he threw his knees out and spread his legs right on top of the other boy. Looking over the shoulder, smirking slightly at Iwaizumi, Oikawa sang into the microphone and buried his bottom against Iwaizumi's crotch. Receiving a loud "woooaaahh!" from everyone in that corner of the room.

The rest of the room held their breath, Daichi looked around at everyone, kinda like he wanted to shield everyone's eyes but realizing he didn't have enough hands for that. Hinata was caught up in it too, he cheered and looked just as excited as the rest. Kageyama sat silent.

He had to be the most uncomfortable in the room at that point. Coming over his own self-hate for liking boys, it was something he had been working with a lot. He loved Hinata, no doubt about it, but it felt a little weird to see another boy, let alone some of your worst enemies grind on each other and basically dry humping. Was that a... boner? Kageyama looked away and blicked a few time as if he just saw something he regretted.

In a close second came Iwaizumi, in being uncomfortable that is. Poor thing had to take Oikawas ass on him, in front of half of his team and everyone else. He never prayed, hadn't even done it once. But right now, Iwaizumi prayed for this damn song just to be over. He didn't want to come out of the closet. Let alone in front of every-fucking-body! This was honestly just rude..

 

After the last refrain, the song finally ended. Everybody cheered, Karasuno applauded, Aoba Jousai went wild, stomping and screaming, and the remaining Nekoma's clapped along just to not stick out of the bunch. Oikawa was out of breath when he finally climbed off his lap-dance victim.

 

\---

 

Not much later, Hinata skipped up to the microphone. He took it out of the stand and cleared his throat. This was the moment of truth.

"This song is not available on the Karaoke Machine, and it's written about a girl originally, but I have to sing this song tonight for a good friend of mine." Suddenly Hinata got nervous, he noticed all of the people staring at him and the mic felt slippery in his sweaty hands. "Uhhm.." his voice started to shake.

"What song is it?" Nishinoya yelled from the back, it bothered Hinata. He was just about to tell him damn it! "It's called Paper Flowers.." he finished while giving Nishinoya a slightly agitated look.

 

With that, Hinata sat himself down at a piano in the corner of the room. It was away from the tiny stage, but it was just light enough for almost all of the people in the room to see him. Clearing his voice once again, Hinata inhaled.

"I'll give you all my paper flowers, I know they don't smell like real ones, but I made them for you." The room was too dark, but Hinata squinted his eyes trying to find Kenma in the crowd.

"You can have my paper flowers, they will never wither, even when I'm with him." Kenma tensed up, oh shit, 'This is about me, isn't it?' he thought to himself.

"I wish that I could give you more, you heart scattered in a hundred pieces all of the floor.

Just a couple days ago, I was in the same position. Waiting for someone who'd never seemed to show.

Trust me I understand, I want to be a man about this. But I'm just a little boy.

I get scared sometimes and I'll always be yours, but you won't be mine no you won't be mine.." Hinata finally found Kenmas eyes in the sea of blurry faces.

"I'm sorry"

That spoken sentence stroke a match in Kenmaas heart. Not a pleasant one.

"Paper Flowers, I know they don't smell like real ones, but I made them for you.

You can have my paper flowers, they will never wither, even when I'm with him."

 

Just like that, the song was over. The room was quiet. Tension so thick you could almost touch it. It was totally different from Oikawas number, these were feelings other than lust. This was guilt and empathy. This was heavy.

Kenma let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. He felt a hand on his shoulder and warm tears stream down his cheeks. But he couldn't hear anything. Right after the last tone, all of the sounds just turned into an indecipherable blur. He saw his feet walking away from the room. He saw his head in his hands. He heard himself sob.

 

That song was about him.

 

(Listen to Paper Flowers, Original by Tadpole Galaxy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HNiby53qeA)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading thus far! Please go listen to Paper Flowers. I'm obsessed with that song lately!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HNiby53qeA  
> Love you lots!


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